EA Blevins

My Brilliant Plan

2012-01-10T11:05:00.003-06:00

I've noticed something simple but vital about the authors I love, as well as authors who are popular, and I've devised a brilliant plan to give my writing career the best chance at getting noticed by anyone other than my parents.

Step 1: Put out a lot of books.
Step 2: Don't suck.

Let's start by discussing step two. I have plenty of suck stacked away in my old stories bin, but a writer will start to suck less the more he or she writes. I like to think that I've crossed the line from "sucks" to "doesn't suck" by now. However, just because I think I don't suck doesn't mean everyone will. The line is different for each person, but I believe everyone can agree on the following criteria:

A plot that readers can follow.
Above-average grammatical awareness.

This criteria is, of course, the lowest common denominator for not sucking.

Now to step one, which I feel is just as important. Due to the decreasing amount of suck on each writing project, later projects in a writer's repertoire tend to be better, and it becomes that much more likely for readers to stumble across your work. I've found this to be true for myself as a reader -- I'll love something from later in a writer's career and then go back and read their earlier work.

In conclusion, I believe public awareness of a writer depends both on their quality and quantity. At least, that's my theory. It seems practical, don't you think?

Coronets and Steel

2011-12-28T15:50:00.001-06:00

Sherwood Smith is the author of two books on my top five favorite books list, right by Pride and Prejudice.

I got Coronets and Steel for Christmas and, though it's good, it's not in my top twenty by any means. I'd probably rank it higher had we gotten to the action sooner. In both Crown Duel and Trouble with Kings (which tie for first or second place in my top five, depending on how I'm feeling about Jane Austen that day), Smith starts in media res -- in the middle of the action. The crisis is upon our heroines and they must react, so everything happens quickly and we get to the good stuff almost immediately.

In C&S, the first half of the book felt like setup and included a bevy of historical, musical, and literary references. I like references, myself, but the sheer volume and diversity in C&S felt overwhelming. Smith, with her masters degree in history, pulled out all the stops and clearly had fun thinking up references, but I personally could have used a few stops put back in. In her usual fantasy worlds, for example, references are explained more thoroughly to readers so that everyone can follow along, but the references here (being real-world references) were often left on their own without elaboration. Thus: overwhelming.

The second half of the book picked up in action and pace and carried both off to a rather inconclusive end. Luckily, there's a sequel for those of us who want to continue the story -- and I'm fairly certain the historical references will stay toned down as in the last half of C&S and, with any luck, the pace will remain energetic.

My conclusion is that I probably won't pick up and reread C&S again for fun like I have my two favorites, but I'm going to find and read the sequel. The story was getting pretty good and I'd like to see how it ends.

The Musical Snob & Other Epiphanies

2011-11-03T10:20:00.002-05:00

I had a dream last night that reminded me of choir, and I recalled something just now while brushing my cat:

Freshman year of high school, we did fundraisers so that we could hire the New Orleans Philharmonic to accompany us on Handel's "Messiah." From what I understood, hiring the Philharmonic was a yearly tradition started at some point by our teacher, a woman who once took a class from that very school to a choral contest in Italy -- where she fell so ill that she couldn't do much more than move a single finger to direct. Yet her choir followed every slight twitch of that digit.

So, my Freshman year, we prepared to sing with the Philharmonic. I don't know if we did well or not. I tried my best.

The thing I remembered just now, though, is that one of the girls (and my mind tells me I heard it, though I'm certain I just heard the story afterward) overheard a member of the Philharmonic complaining to another member about having to perform with high school kids.

At the time it happened, I thought: "Well, I suppose it is a step down for them. Rude to say so, though."

Now, I realize the following:

That jerk knew in advance that he'd be performing with a high school choir. That gave him ample opportunity to complain to his director and other Philharmonic members, perhaps even to try and talk his director out of accepting the job.

Thus, the fact that he complained in hearing range of choir members meant that he intended for us to hear him. He wasn't letting off steam to someone who might share his opinions -- he knowingly informed our choir through the few that overheard him that he was too good to accompany us on his instrument and that he thought we weren't worth his time or talent. That he was, in fact, offended that we managed to purchase his services for something so plebeian.

Now, you might say "That's just snobbery. It's horrible, but there's nothing we can do about it."

No, it's not just snobbery.

That guy was 100% unprofessional.

Professionalism, to me, means that even if you don't want to do a job, you keep your opinions to yourself once you accept the job. Our teacher could have (should have, if she'd heard my choir-mate's story) called the Philharmonic director and complained that one of his people acted unprofessionally by complaining about having to play with her choir in front of her kids.

Because that's what he did.

He wasn't blowing off steam, and he wasn't having a private conversation. He was (and I'm guessing here, but it's the most likely scenario) frustrated that his director accepted such a lowly job for the Philharmonic and took it out on the only people he could -- the kids.

See, this is why I hate snobs. They're cowards and they're bullies. They make themselves feel superior by insisting that other people are less. Less worthy of kindness. Less worthy of tact.

It's a form of prejudice.

I figured out recently that prejudice and bigotry are all about cruelty. Whatever I may believe, whatever I may approve or disapprove of in this world, there is never any reason to be cruel. Never.

And that's the most recognizable result of hatred, isn't it? Cruelty.

My ideal view of the world is one where everyone treats each other with kindness. We will never all agree on the important things and we'll always end up fighting with each other, but none of that means that we can't be kind. It's possible to be so different that we'll never understand each other (or, in some cases, get along) and yet still be able to respect ourselves and those around us. The only thing stopping us is . . . us.

So my challenge to you today is to find a way to be kind while still being true to your personality, interests, and beliefs. It might not change the world, but believe me when I say kindness is never wasted.

Pet Treatment Refusals, Controversy

2011-06-30T14:17:00.003-05:00

I go to a vet that I like just fine. They're friendly, they love animals, and they're affordable. They always coo and gush over the animals that come in. It's really bolstering.

The controversy is that my vet won't treat animals if the owner can't pay for the treatments.

This hasn't happened to me because I have money put aside for emergencies.

But people it has happened to are pretty furious about it.

My question is this -- ethically, is it the vet or the owner who is more to blame?

On the one hand, the vet sometimes allows pets to suffer because of financial considerations. The argument is that the vet treats living beings as less important than money.

On the other, the owner has an animal he or she either can't afford medical treatment for or won't budget for medical expenses. The argument is that the owner is irresponsible.

The real victim. But who victimizes him? (Image by bjearwicke)

Vet Responsibilities

Vets are generally people who care about animals and want to prevent animal suffering. Some vets do charity work to this end.

Vets have a responsibility to give their patients the best of care.
Vets have a responsibility to be honest with pet owners about prices, policies, and alternate care.
Vets have a responsibility to stay in business so that they can continue to provide veterinary services.

Here, we have a conflict between 1 and 3. Is it the vet's responsibility to care for an animal via 1 if it affects 3?

My vet is very clear in their policies -- they give no free treatments and they require payments on the spot. I don't know if they tried different styles of payment, such as late payments or installments, but I know that they won't even treat a suffering animal without payment then and there.

If it's the only way to stay in business, then I don't blame them. It's not a pretty situation (far from it), but it's the one they have to be in.

If it isn't the only way to stay in business -- if late payments or installments would work just as well -- then I think they should change and shame on them.

However, I'd have to see real data on the efficacy of payment types in veterinary clinics before I could make that call.

Owner Responsibilities

Having a pet is like having a kid. Only furrier (usually).

Owners have a responsibility to feed their pets.
Owners have a responsibility to provide a safe environment for their pets.
Owners have a responsibility to reduce the suffering of injured/ill pets.

It can be frustrating, even devastating, if you fail in one of these areas. Particularly if you run up against a wall when it comes to money.

A good rule of thumb is simply not to have more pets than you can handle or afford. Just because you love them doesn't mean an overcrowded home will be either healthy or happy for your animals.

Save for emergencies. This isn't just smart insofar as your pets. It's smart in general. Put aside the largest lump sum you can afford every month until you hit your target mark (target: $1,000 minimum). Put it in a savings account that you promise cross-your-heart-hope-to-die never to touch unless it's a true emergency. And when your car breaks down or your dog breaks his leg, you won't have to cry and beg and plead and get angry when no one will help you. You'll have the funds.

If you are too poor to do this, then what are you doing trying to care for another living creature? If you care about your animal but can't afford necessary medical treatment, no matter how much it hurts you, your pet needs a new home. They'll be better off.

If you are able to do this and don't, then you're an irresponsible owner and it is not the vet's fault your animal is in pain. It's yours. You might want to fix that.

The only sympathy I have is for people who normally have the funds but have had a string of tragic emergencies that depleted their savings to almost nothing so that they can't pay for Fido's pain meds. In this case, I really hope you have friends and family willing to offer you a small loan or that you can find a vet who will take a late payment.

I don't know what else to suggest except always try to negotiate payments over the phone before you take your pet in if you're having money troubles. And have the numbers of other vets in the area if yours can't see you on a moment's notice (our city has an emergency clinic, for example). See if any of them allow for late payments or installments, and have this information on hand in case of emergencies.

Conclusions

Veterinary services are murky waters when the money isn't there to pay for them. No animal lover wants to see a creature suffering, but your vet really does need to stay in business if they want to continue to treat suffering animals.

Is it infuriating to be denied health care for an animal that desperately needs it? Oh yes. A thousand times yes.

But are there ways to prevent that animal being yours? Yes.

And with all the love and pity in my heart, I give you this: you as an animal owner need to prepare for emergencies. You need to have a worst case scenario plan. And if your worst case scenario plan is going to end up with your animal suffering, then you need to consider whether your furry child is best off in your care.

It's tough. But it's love.

Faith

2011-06-25T09:51:00.000-05:00

Several months ago, I realized my faith was weak. I didn't know what to do. How can I be saved if I can't even prove God exists to myself?

My brother, as usual, made it all better:

The question is not "is my faith strong?" but "is Jesus strong?"... never "is my faith sufficient?" but "is Jesus faithful?" It is not our faith that saves us... not its strength or its surety... but the death and resurrection of Jesus.

It's not my faith that saves me. It's Jesus's faithfulness.

I've always heard "fix your eyes upon Jesus" (there's even a song), but I always took that as "Jesus is important, think about him a lot, show him reverence, and use his name when you pray."

It wasn't until I was in doubt of my own salvation that I came to realize that salvation isn't about me. It's about Jesus. I don't need to trust myself or even trust my own trust in God. I need to trust God's trustworthiness.

Since I've had this crisis, I've become a more genuine Christian. I've always striven to be sincere, but I feel like I really get it now. When all your faith in yourself is knocked out from under you, all have to hang on to is Christ. And I get it. I focus on Christ because he's the only thing holding me up. He's my only hope.

The kind of church I went to all my life focused a lot on understanding scripture. Mental knowledge went hand-in-hand with faith. But now that I realize I know nothing, I'm no longer focused on my own capabilities.

And it's a relief. Terrifying at times, when I forget who it is I'm supposed to be trusting -- me or God -- but a relief every time I remember.

I feel more down-to-earth. (It's hard to have hubris when you're petrified, after all.) I used to know that it was Christ who saved me, but it was an intellectual knowledge. Now, it's real for me. Now, it's all I have. I cling to it out of desperation, like a woman hanging over an abyss. I feel calm when I look up and see his hand in mine. I freak out when I forget to look at Jesus and look down and see how impossible it would be to climb out on my own.

But as long as I remember to look back up, I should be okay.

I cling to that.

It's not my own faith.

It's hope.

Prejudice

2011-05-07T12:32:00.003-05:00

I've always been told that you can't please everyone. But I prefer to think of it like this:

There is always someone in the world willing to hate you for a very stupid reason.

Race, nationality, sex, religion -- any of these will automatically put you on someone's hate list. We cannot avoid it. We will never be loved by everyone, or even accepted, but what we can do is love ourselves and surround ourselves with loving, positive people.

Appreciate the good things you have, and don't dwell on the people you can't please. They're not worth it. The good in your life deserves your attention so much more.

<3

Vanity

2011-04-26T23:20:00.001-05:00

I tried on a pretty dress at Old Navy today. It was long and white and summery with light brown flowers. Half of the flowers glittered faintly gold.

I took a Medium and Large to the changing room and tried the Medium first. It fit! I've only been able to fit into a Medium once, back when I trekked all across Europe in college. My indifferent strength training must have easily counteracted all that holiday food!

Sweet!

I decided the neckline was too low for comfort and put the two dresses back on their rack, but I happily told Alex that I got into a Medium!

Alex's best friend then mentioned that they likely vanity size, due to a few things he noticed about the pants he'd been trying on.

Vanity sizing, for those who didn't take a sewing class with all sorts of clothing terminology in college, is when a store or brand changes the sizes on its clothing so that the clothing is one standard size bigger than what the tag says.

For example, if you try on a pretty white sparkly Medium at Old Navy and they do vanity sizing, you're actually wearing a Large.

This made me sad, because one of my goals is to fit into a Medium some day. Not because I need to be super-thin to be beautiful, but because I feel that my body type would show at best advantage if I were thinner. You see, even though that dress was low cut, there was nothing to show off. I can wear tops that busty women look kind of trampy in, because I have no cleavage. Yet I'm a Large.

So you can see my dilemma. A size Large with no chest = strange and sad. But if I could get into an honest-to-goodness Medium, the "lack" wouldn't be quite so dramatic to me because I could wear cute thin-people clothing that somebody designed with no real expectation of boobs! Hurray!

Something else I learned in my sewing class: models are tall and thin merely because tall and thin showcases clothing best.

I expect that the model body type became popular because they were the women who sold us all our favorite fashion items. They always had what we wanted, so we started wanting to be like them. But I bet that if the Large boobless body type showed clothing to best advantage, we'd all want to look like... well, me.

Models are beautiful because only beautiful tall skinny people are hired to be models, but that doesn't mean tall and skinny is the only type that can be beautiful. There are plenty of beautiful women of all shapes and sizes. And whatever the modeling industry may be today, it made me a little less hostile to know that it didn't start as a thin-people-are-better fashion-greedy conglomerate. It just started as people wanting to show off their clothing and hiring tall thin women so that everyone could see their hard work.

I don't know what it says about our culture that now we seem to care more about the women in the clothing than the clothing itself. I suppose I'm not surprised. It seems that this would be the natural result of having only tall, thin fashion icons.

A Probably-Medium-Sized woman
that someone forced into
Extra-Small clothing.

Another thing I learned, and this is probably the most important: dressing for your body is more important than trying to look like someone else. If you're a Large boobless gal, you don't need to run around trying to dress like a stick figure. You need to wear things that fit and flatter you. Dressing for a smaller or different body type will actually make you look larger than you are. And, of course, will make you look ridiculous. There's nothing worse than a woman (or man *shudder*) stuffed into something that doesn't fit.

We all have to accept the way we're shaped. Larger or smaller, for better or worse, our bodies are what they are until we get pregnant or have plastic surgery.

I accept that I am a Large boobless freak. I buy bras that even me out a bit more, I have perfectly respectable hips, and I'm working on getting my stomach to look more like flat-bread and less like a bakery.

Are there things I would change? Sure! But am I going to try and dress like a Medium with boobs? No. That would be silly. Because I'm not shaped like that. I'm shaped like me. And I do my best to find the clothes that go with a me-shaped person.

If I ever become a Medium and get to wear thin-boobless-girl clothing, then yay! I've reached a goal! But if not... well, at least I know I'm not miserably trying to look like someone else.

I'm just trying to look like the best version of me.

:)

Puppies and Kittens

2011-04-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

When Sims 3 comes out with their pets expansion later this year, I'm going to waste several days, perhaps even weeks, of my life making kittens and puppies. And ponies, because it looks like they'll have horsies too!

But real life is different. Last year, just before the hard winter set in, I noticed that the cute black cat in my neighborhood had birthed a litter of adorable kittens under our front porch. I looked up the number for our local shelter, but the kittens had been moved by their mother the very next day.

I don't know if those kittens made it through the winter. Their mother did, as I see her here and there, but the kittens? I haven't seen any other cats roaming.

I love cats, and the idea of those poor little snuggles freezing to death is horrifying. But death is more likely than the mother taking them to a nice house and leaving them there so that they can go to a warm friendly animal shelter.

I don't know if their mother was a feral cat or an indoor-outdoor cat. If she was feral, then there are services, particularly in cities, set up to capture, fix, and release feral cats. If she was an indoor-outdoor cat, then those adorable kittens are on the owner's head.

Even if I'd notified a shelter about the kittens and they'd been picked up, their chances were not 100%. People tend to adopt kittens more often than cats, but plenty of people also take kittens back when they become cats. That's why a kitten is almost $200 at our local shelter while adult cats are about $50. And what happens to the cats that don't get adopted? They eventually have to be put to sleep. Killed. It's strictly practical -- a shelter only has so much room -- but it's still tragic. The shelter workers I've spoken to hate having to put animals down just because nobody wants them, just because there are too many to find homes for them all.

And while there are no-kill shelters in the country, there aren't anywhere near enough. Most shelters can't afford the drain of keeping every animal they find. Even my local shelter, which just put in a million dollar air filtration system to prevent the spread of disease among their animals, can't afford to be no-kill.

So when you let your pet outdoors without being spayed or neutered? You're just adding more kittens and puppies to the long, tragic list of animals that never had a chance.

Please, look for a program in your area that offers low-cost or free spaying and neutering. Doing this saves lives. The ASPCA website has a search function for you to check your local area, as does NeuterSpay.org. If your pet isn't spayed or neutered, find a program and take them, or ask your parents to take them. If not for the animals themselves, then to prevent the annoyance of having to deal with a litter being birthed in your garage or under your porch, or to cure your female cat of that "in heat" yowling, or to calm down your aggressive male cat.

The way things are now, we're in no danger of running out of potential pets. Please reduce the strain on shelters and yourself by getting your pet spayed or neutered. A little trouble now will save everyone a lot of trouble later.

<3

I'm Awkward

2011-03-23T12:10:00.000-05:00

So our landlord said he'd be by around 11am with a real estate agent to measure the house we live in. To give you an idea of the layout, we live in one half of the house and have three floors, while our neighbor has most of the first floor. When we go in or out, we have two deadbolts to lock -- our door and the house's front door, both on the first floor.

At 11ish, I let the landlord and his guy in and they wandered through our apartment, writing things down. My cats stared at them from places of relative safety, such as under the bed, and craned their necks in nervous fascination.

When the men left, I gave them a minute or two and then went down to lock our personal deadbolt. I heard them talking on the other side of the door and quietly began to sneak turn our deadbolt so as not to be like "SLAM! I just locked you OUT!"

Then they went onto the porch and I realized too late that I had left the blinds open. So the landlord stood there on the porch and caught sight of me as I slowly, quietly, and desperately finished turning the lock.

My brain then went like this: "He's looking right at me. He knows I just locked them out and he knows how slowly and awkwardly I did it. Quick, find another excuse for coming downstairs! Make this look normal!!"

I took my hand from the deadbolt, turned, spotted cat toys in the floor, and oh-so-casually picked up three.

I then threw Tiger's favorite toy to him from the bottom of the stairs and went up.

Out of sight of the porch, I stared at the cats, envying their lack of intense and horrific social awkwardness, and went to eat the sandwich I'd made to keep me out of the men's way.

*shudder* Oh, the awkwardness.

Tiger's Favorite Toy

Avalon High

2010-12-25T00:03:00.001-06:00

I love Meg Cabot's Avalon High. Just watched the Disney movie adaptation of the book and for the most part enjoyed it, but they . . . um . . . changed a few things. And made those things not make sense anymore.

Severe spoilers after the break.

I thought the original story by Meg Cabot was creative and surprising. The main character (Ellie) is a girl who runs into Will (Arthur) and they click. Mordred's reincarnation, Marko, identifies Ellie as The Lady of Shalott, a very minor character in the legend who had a thing for Lancelot which ended in her wasting away with unrequited love, except Ellie obviously fell for the wrong guy by falling for Will/Arthur. Twist ending, Ellie is actually The Lady of the Lake (major powerhouse), and the enemy totally underestimated her and her power to strengthen Arthur and to help him through Guinevere (Jennifer)'s and Lancelot (Lance)'s betrayal.

The movie . . .

Well, I'm all for girl power. But setting everything up to go down like the book and then adding a twist ending that evil Marko is actually a knight pretending to be evil so that he can protect Arthur from their evil teacher was a touch hard to swallow. I could swing with it only by stretching my credulity and forcibly settling back into the story.

Then King Arthur turned out to be (ohmygod) Ellie.

Evil Teacher: "King Arthur can't be a girl!"

Ellie: "And yet here we are."

Erm . . .

I'm not opposed to Arthur reincarnating as a woman. Not at all. Unorthodox, but it could be done and done well. Problem is, it's not. It's not done well at all. There are far too many unanswered questions: Why does Will have the Guinevere and Lancelot plotline if he's not Arthur? Which knight is Will if he's Arthur's right hand? Why is teacher-Mordred not even remotely related to the real Arthur? Why does the "real" Arthur not have any markers of being Arthur and Will have all of them?

The movie ends on a note of "Surprise, we tricked you!" except it's not a very good trick. The only reason the viewer doesn't see it coming is because it has no foreshadowing, no reason, no explanation, and does not lend itself to credulity.

Had they given Ellie subtle markers of her Arthur-dom that made the revelation resonate (a la "The Sixth Sense") then I'd go with it. It would be a good twist.

Instead, they sat us down at a nice dinner, snuck up behind us, and dumped a bucket of ice water over our heads. Then grinned and asked if we were surprised.

All in all, they would have done better to stick to the original plot. It's more subtle but still a strong story with a strong female lead. But to be honest, anything would be more subtle than "BAM, a girl Arthur!"

In summation, go watch Merlin instead. It's amazing.

2011 Guide to Literary Agents

2010-10-10T17:26:00.002-05:00

Bought it.

Using it.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2010-09-28T16:57:00.002-05:00

I ought to specify that these are the few things I have almost no self-control over.

Fruit (nom!)
Garden Tomatoes (nom!!)
Books (squee!)
Kittens (squee!!)

Hex Hall, Morganville Vampires, Darkest Powers

2010-09-12T12:43:00.008-05:00

Hex Hall

I'd probably have enjoyed it a lot more if I were in junior high, due to the writing style and suspension of disbelief.

It starts with a stereotypical "Girl with magic gets sent to a magic school" setup with mean girls, hot guy, and even an outcast best friend all tossed in for flavor. My main concern was that it would be a stereotyped, wish-fulfillment story.

However, the way Hex Hall's setup plays out surprised me -- the story is new and inventive and interesting and for that I'd recommend this book. I'm even mildly compelled to read the books that come after this to see how the story ends. (Yes, you're left with a bit of a cliffhanger.)

Morganville Vampires: Book 1

Unlike most vampire books these days, the vampires are not the protagonists. The main character is a sixteen-year-old scientific prodigy attending a small Texas university in a town that, you guessed it, has vampires.

There are mean girls, as all teen books seem to require, but something I love about this book is that the meanest girls are the ones the vampires like and protect and hang out with. The shiny, popular kids are the ones the vampires choose because they're shiny and popular and attractive and easily manipulated.

I love that. The goth kids, the outcasts, finally aren't the ones that the vampires feel kinship with in a "We're all so persecuted" way. The town outcasts are outcasts precisely because they don't pander to the vampires.

It's new, it's fresh, and it makes a ton more sense than angsty "I feel your pain" kinship.

Darkest Powers Trilogy: The Summoning, The Awakening, The Reckoning

I read the blurb for the books and was like "Thank God, this one isn't about vampires." And a teenage necromancer sounded neato. Then I read it and was like "Must read the next two! Now!" So I finished them between bouts of productiveness at work, almost unable to tear myself away except for the threat of doing such a bad job it'd get noticed and reported to my supervisor.

Yee, they're amazing. O.O Read them.

Your fellow students are frustrated with you.

2010-08-23T20:34:00.004-05:00

I read somewhere that your friends are your primary support system when you're a teenager. You don't talk to your parents as much -- instead, you talk to your friends. About everything.

Imagine being sixteen and your teacher tells you that your friends are frustrated with you.

There are only three ways she could know that.

One. She asked them.
Two. They told her.
Three. She's lying.

In the first instance, your teacher is conspiring against you.

In the second, your friends aren't really your friends.

In the third, your teacher is manipulating you.

If I had been the woman I am today, I would have asked my classmates about it, and they would have asked her why she'd felt she could speak for them. Considering we all thought of her and the male teacher as "the enemy," I'm pretty sure it would have pissed my friends off.

But I wasn't the woman I am today.

I was a sixteen year old girl whose heart had just been broken.

I knew in my soul of souls that whichever explanation it was, she had no excuse. That woman used the emotional equivalent of an atom bomb to swat at a workshop habit she didn't like.

And the more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn't go back to a class where my teacher would do that to me.

My heart broke again when I left the class. It's mended a bit since, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I have a perfectly good reason to despise that woman for the rest of my life.

I doubt she'd care. I'm pretty sure she was able to justify her actions and my leaving the class with the fact that she thought I was an oversensitive religious brat. I know she and the male teacher chalked every motive of mine up to my religion. They treated me as if I was about to start preaching against the sins of the written word at any moment, and never actually spoke to me except to lecture or make judgments.

For people who claimed to be so observant of the world around them, they knew nothing about me. They assumed things based on very limited information and treated me with contempt. They didn't think that maybe the reason I didn't put myself out there was that their attitudes pushed me into my shell. They didn't for one moment think I might have been an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, shy kid. That I might have been a nice person under all that reserve.

I'm not supposed to hate people. I do my best to stick to that. But with all my good intentions, I can't help but hate the thought of those two. I can't help but hate that a bigoted woman's careless words cost me months of time with classmates I adored. Classmates who got past my shell by being nice to me, who knew I wasn't some clichéd religious brat. Who knew I was just a shy, earnest kid trying to avoid the fact that my teachers didn't like me.

And, yeah, the hurt and injustice of it still gets to me after ten years.

It shouldn't.

It does.

For My Silly-Oofa

2010-04-22T11:10:00.000-05:00

We talked about a lot of things, but we never had the best communication when it came to emotions. I know, on occasion, I hurt you or you felt judged by me. I wanted to say sorry. The lack of communication when it came to our feelings was our biggest flaw, not just yours or mine, but us as friends. I’m sorry for my share. Truly, I am.

I understand why you cut off communication with everyone after high school. I was surprised at first but then I thought about it and it made sense, even if I didn’t know all your reasons. You’ve always been very sensitive and I suppose you wanted to start over fresh. But if there were any resentments in the decision, I wanted to apologize for my part of things. I think we were both in positions to hurt each other sometimes, and we never opened up enough to work out what needed to be worked out.

As much as I could, I tried to be a good friend. I made mistakes, but I tried to be faithful in keeping your secrets and just being there. I hope you’re doing well, wherever you are, and I hope you’re living for yourself and not to please others. You’re an intelligent, beautiful girl but I know your confidence is easy to bruise. Just try not to be unfair to yourself — that’s what I worry about most when I think of you.

No matter what anyone says or what you think, you are wonderful.

Be well, my Silly-Oofa.

Background Checks in Churches

2010-03-15T14:16:00.001-05:00

I did a web search for Catholic churches because I'm trying to design and build a church with a graveyard for my Sims 3 game. It's mainly for the graveyard aspect (The Sims doesn't have religion) because Sim ghosts are awesome. I'm having trouble with the steeple (the roof height affects the entire roof, not just one portion, and it's a big mess), so I thought maybe a different type of church architecture can look like a church but not include a steeple so that I don't have to just stick an Egyptian obelisk on top and hope my Sims don't notice the difference.

I came across this post about a guy who coached a Catholic kids team in Chicago and had to go through a program that focused half its efforts on preventing child molestation. Which reminded me of the time I was asked to undergo a background check to be an assistant for a babies' Bible class.

Most people, when asked, will say "Oh, background checks are a great idea!"

Until they're asked to submit to one.

At least, that's how it is with me. Theoretically, background checks on people working with or around children are a really great idea, and I support it. But emotionally, that guy I linked hit the nail on the head:

Being told not to be alone around a parish child, not to give anyone a ride home who isn’t your own kid, not to leave a kid with a priest until the parents arrived — whatever the sound, ass-covering reasons, for these hardcore, lifelong Catholics, this was like being told that we are not friends anymore. The best (and sometimes worst) thing about life inside a Catholic parish is its intense sense of community, and the message of VIRTUS training was that you no longer could trust anyone.

I'd recommend to any churches who do practice background checks that you let people know on the front end, before they sign up to work with the kids. I was slightly blindsided, and that could have been avoided if I'd been given an explanation as to how a background check works and that I would be expected to undergo one -- and had it explained before I made any sort of commitment. I never did get the paperwork for it, but my stress-ometer still went haywire and I'm not sure I would have agreed to work with the kids if I'd known about the prospect.

Now, I just want to note that there's a line between protecting your children and being a huge nosy snoop, and background checks offer an opportunity to blur that line. I recently had a huge blowout fight with a gaming friend who wouldn't get his nose out of something that didn't concern him, and he got mad at me for telling him to back off. So I cannot express how seriously I mean the following: some stuff is just none of your business.

Period.

Think long and hard about how far you actually need to go to protect your church's children, because there is a line of how far you need to dig into someone's past when they work with your church kids (sex offender, yes; credit history, no). I'm saying this because some churches will use keeping an eye on someone's "spiritual health" as a reason to basically stalk members.

If you cross that line, you're going to lose everyone's trust. So if you really want both the check and the trust, play it smart. Don't spring it on people and make sure they know exactly what you'll be checking. Because while I don't mind someone seeing that I'm not a criminal, I'm not going to, say, give anyone my social security number to do it. Nor do I want anyone poking around my high school transcripts or my credit report. So just make sure people know what the background check entails, because that's what freaked me out.

Truth is, I don't even like kids, so I didn't think a background check was worth it at all. Once I get to know a kid, I'll like them or not based on themselves (I liked the babies in the infant class and I like Alex's nephews), but kids in general? I don't like them that much. Part of it is parents -- some parents discourage any interaction with their children because you might be a sex offender or try and teach them different values or axe murder them (I dunno, I'm not a parent, but axe murder seems feasible). And as someone who doesn't worship the ground children walk on, I'm not going to go out of my way to try and get past the parents to meet the kids. Plenty of parents also tend to hover, and there's no possible way to get to know a kid with mom or dad right there. It's not even worth trying.

Which, if I'm going to ramble and it seems that I am, is why it's annoying to be pigeonholed into traditional female roles, as if by the virtue of being a woman I love children and have oodles of maternal instinct just waiting to spring.

This is how much maternal instinct I have: we went over to a couple's house and they had a sweet, well-behaved, adorable little boy who asked me to play with him. Except that I had a cat on my lap.

Guess which one I played with?

I would have liked to play with the little boy. I would've, don't get me wrong. I don't hate children, and as far as kids go he was a good one. But when it's between a kid and a cat, I'm going to gravitate to where I'm most comfortable, and that's the cat. Plus, I am toward cats as some women think I should be toward kids. You have a baby and I'm like "Oh... yay... please don't make me hold it" but you have a cat and I want that thing in my arms. Now.

I've found that the one way I can definitely bond with kids is over animals. When we picked Alice up from the animal shelter, she was a teeny widdle thing and I totally nodded some kids over and let them pet her. I'd seen them eying her the way I do when I reeeeeally want to pet something but don't want to ask. I would have let them hold her, too, but they were pretty nervous and I didn't want to push.

I've heard that pushing comfort zones is good, and getting to know kids would push my comfort zone, and I agree, but I'm also not going to let other people make that decision for me. There's a huge difference in wanting to push my comfort zone and other people telling me when, where, and how I should. One involves growth. The other, loathing.

My brother is having a baby in a few months (well, his wife is -- he'll be the one fainting), and we live in the same city. I'll have plenty of opportunities to get used to kids then, and I'll gain a few techniques for how to converse with and entertain the wee beasts. Truth is, I'm kind of a giant child myself. I love making forts and fencing with plastic swords and playacting. I've just never had anyone to play with and I think babysitting a nephew will be tons of fun.

But don't confuse gaining experience for becoming one of "those" women. I'll never be kid-crazy. But I expect to be good with the kids I'm comfortable around, and I expect to love them.

I think that's a pretty good deal.

Sushi

2010-03-12T17:37:00.000-06:00

In America, the tendency is to think "Raw fish? Ew!" As a woman who's been taught to fear raw chicken and raw beef and raw, well, anything, I felt it unlikely that I would enjoy raw fish when a friend suggested we go to our local sushi restaurant.

That was over a year ago, and Alex and I have since bought a "make sushi at home" book and introduced my brother to a local sushi place.

Just today I got a tuna/salmon roll with avacado, five types of caviar, crunchies, and spicy mayo (hold the extra seaweed) for $13 and ate each sweet messy piece with my fingers by stuffing it into my mouth and just savoring (I looked like a moron -- it was great).

Here's the thing my brother and his wife commented on after we introduced them to sushi, something many people neglect when trying to talk others into trying it -- one roll can keep you full for hours afterward. Not just full but comfortable. Hours after we'd introduced them to sushi, they told us that they looked at each other and said "I'm still full. But I don't feel sick, either." It was the exact same feeling Alex and I noticed after our first time.

That's the magic of sushi. It's a feel-good food. It satisfies hunger without leaving you bloated or gross.

The only trick is finding a roll that you like. Salmon has a mild, sweet, soft flavor. Tuna is a little stronger and chewier but is still considered a "mild" fish. Alex loves salmon, and I love tuna. If you like complex flavors, the specialty rolls are where you'll find your match (don't go for anything with cream cheese, we found that out the hard way, bleh). If you like spicy, mixing a little of the green stuff on your plate (a little) into your soy sauce can enhance your experience. If you like simplicity, go for the single fish rolls without any embellishments (cheaper and the samplers are recommended for sushi virgins). Tuna, salmon, and whitefish are very popular and don't have a strong fishy taste. I recommend starting with those if you're hesitant. (Red snapper, scallop, squid, and halibut are also very mild, though I haven't tried them myself.)

When deciding on portions, a single roll may not look like much food, but believe me when I say that if you eat more than one you may feel sick. We Americans are used to getting a lot of food for our money, and eating most of it, but one roll goes a long way. If you get the simple ones, you can probably handle two (three if you're a really big eater), but one specialty roll will fill most people up.

As for the "raw" part, there are plenty of sushi rolls that are cooked (though I've tried one or two and, to be honest, I think the raw ones have more flavor), and my brother put it best: "I feel like I'm paying not to get food poisoning." At a sushi restaurant, the chefs have years of experience with fish and they aren't going to use any fish that's not fresh and healthy. They know the exact color a fresh fish should be, and they only use the freshest they can find. Because if they didn't, they wouldn't be in business very long. If you're still worried, note that fresh raw fish should have a clear natural color and a pure taste. Old fish starts to lose color and turn grey and begins to taste "off." No self-respecting sushi chef would put old fish in his or her work, but if you're suspicious you can glance over the fish at the preparation station and scan for anything that looks like it's turning grey. (It is rude to ask if something is fresh, but it is not rude to ask what the chef recommends.)

Many people have seen California Rolls at buffets, which don't actually have any raw fish in them -- they're filled with vegetables. I've found that I can't stand California Rolls now that I've had real sushi. Once you find something you love, there's really no going back.

If you're nervous about what to do, there's really no wrong way to eat sushi. You can eat the rolls (the fish surrounded by rice) with your hands, and you're supposed to eat the fish-on-top-of-rice (sashimi) with chopsticks, but if you're nervous or bad with chopsticks, just eat everything with your hands. It's not that big a deal (unless you're in Japan, in which case it might be a bigger deal). This is what you need to know:

Their hot tea is usually a safe bet for an "authentic" drink. (I'm a huge fan of sweet iced tea, but a good sushi restaurant will have delightfully soothing hot unsweetened tea. Try it once, and you can get soda next time if you don't like it.)
Sitting at the sushi bar (if they have one) lets you watch your food being prepared. You can request the bar or a table if both are available.
If you sit at the bar, it's perfectly fine to ask the chef questions. You can ask what he recommends, what it is you're eating (if you don't know), and just be generally inquisitive. However, do leave him alone if he seems too busy to talk.
If they give you a hot wet towel, you use it to wash your hands.
You'll have a bottle of Japanese soy sauce on the table and be given small dishes to pour it in for dipping your sushi. This stuff is good, and it's not as strong or as salty as Chinese soy sauce. If you decide you want more heat on your sushi, mix a small amount of the green paste on your plate (wasabi) into the soy sauce for dipping. Do not mix the entire pile of wasabi in to prove you can handle hot things, as you won't be able to taste the sushi. However, if you like wasabi, feel free to add more. It should enhance the sushi, not overpower it.
The random strips of pink stuff beside the green paste is pickled ginger. It's a palate cleanser, meant to be used between pieces of sushi (never with the sushi). I don't particularly like it, so I don't use it. It's up to you.
Drinking your soup is acceptable and (at more traditional places) sometimes expected. You can tell by whether or not they give you a spoon with your soup.
It's okay (even recommended) to eat sushi pieces in one bite. This way you get all the flavors at once, as they were meant to be tasted. In America, the pieces tend to be on the large side, so this can make you look a little silly, but it's totally worth it.
Belching is considered impolite.
If you're at the bar, there should be a tip jar for the chef, who can't handle money since he/she handles food. It's polite for people at the bar to tip both the chef and the waiter/waitress and to thank the chef. If not at the bar, tip your waiter/waitress as you normally would.
You can take leftover sushi home, just eat it within reasonable time.

There are many more rules for proper dining etiquette, and different fancy-pants people will tell you different things, but the truth is that the only rule you need is to just relax and enjoy your sushi. Sushi chefs in your country are quite used to how your country eats. If you want to replicate all the little details about how the Japanese hold their chopsticks when doing this or that, or have any questions about types of fish, try the Sushi FAQ.

Being Lazy... and Discouraged

2010-03-06T03:09:00.000-06:00

So I wrote something about how people who get scared off of searching for agents because of the economy are stupid...

I'm stupid.

It's not all the economy. I mean, that started the rollercoaster of discouragement (again, another example of why I HATE listening to other writers -- negative, negative, negative! -- and it always gets to me!).

That planted the seed of "Then why am I bothering?"

Then I started wondering whether or not my main character is at all compelling. Then I thought up revisions I wanted to make on my second book. Then I thought "Well, if this one doesn't get picked up (because it won't because the economy is bad), maybe I can start with the one that comes before it chronologically." And then I thought "Why am I searching for an agent for this one if I actually want that one to come first? Do I even want it to come first? I have no idea."

You must keep sending work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you're working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success -- but only if you persist. ~Isaac Asimov

To fix this unpleasant state, I'm learning to drive so that I can get some small job to get me out of the house and perhaps get me to the library. In fact, a small job at the library would be lovely, but we'll see what I can find. Currently, it costs money to park there -- parking meters and all -- and I can't make myself work at home. I'm hopeless.

Magic vs Religion in Books

2010-03-03T14:32:00.002-06:00

This is not about magic in books versus real religion. That's what this post was about.

This is about magic in books versus Christianity in books.

Blasphemous or awesome?
All I know is, I'd totally buy
this if it came as a t-shirt.
But it's a decorative plate.

Here's the thing -- Christianity doesn't like magic. That's the party line. But magic also doesn't exist. (Though I've said I might believe in ghosts if people weren't always wrong about them.)

So when I find a fantasy that includes a Christian official as a one-dimensional badguy, I get a little disgruntled. Even if a second religious official is sympathetic to magical powers or beings, it's usually an all-encompassing acceptance, which is stupid and any sensible Christian would agree. Just because a religious official doesn't want to burn someone for witchcraft when they show magical powers does not mean he or she will be entirely comfortable or even accepting of the situation. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would freak them out. These are humans you're designing, not puppets, and something like fantasy meeting traditional Catholicism (which is the most common choice) would very easily cause conflicting feelings in a religious character who isn't a monster.

I've see religious officials in fantasies being used as easy scapegoatable villains, and I've seen them being used as just corrupt people who happen to have religious affiliations. (Guess which I prefer.)

Making a religious badguy is all about the execution. Dragon's Bait by Vivian Vande Velde is one of my favorite books. The main character is accused of witchcraft and set up to be eaten by a dragon. The antagonist works for the church, but he's clearly a corrupt guy playing political games for profit. He's not evil because of religion, he's evil because he's a crappy person.

Child of Faerie, Child of Earth by Josepha Sherman is the book that made me cranky about this issue; it's about a girl who falls in love with a fairy (sorry, "faerie") prince and one of the human religious officials is an over-the-top jerkface whose whole purpose in the book is to see her downfall because consorting with fairies is evil. (To be fair, I read it as a teenager and wrote a slightly horrified review on Amazon that got downgraded because apparently people just want to get their fairie tales on without thinking about them. So I'm sure I don't have all the details perfect.)

Anyway, as I've said before, I don't appreciate nut-jobs being toted as examples of my religious community, and I think Sherman did a sloppy job that resulted in "Unfortunate Implications of the religious variety." If you think I'm wrong and need to read the book again, I don't mind, but I remember thinking these things after I'd just finished it.

Most of the time, I think these Implications come out of a writer who just slaps religious figures thoughtlessly into a badguy role because they need a badguy and religious nuts make good badguys; this can be compounded by a writer who lacks realistic knowledge of the religion they're portraying.

My husband's best friend is a law student and can't watch legal dramas because of all the details they get wrong. My husband is the same way with TV shows that use computers (and thus loves "IT Crowd," which is spot-on). So I tend to sigh when book or TV writers try to make a Christian character but clearly get their information secondhand. (This is even worse if the character is supposed to be "deep" but totes only surface-level beliefs.)

The Christian in me isn't as upset about all this as the writer in me. It's one thing to not understand a faith that isn't your own. It's another to present a one-dimensional character and call yourself a professional.

Washing Your Cat: The Shampoo Chronicles

2010-03-01T17:43:00.001-06:00

A few months back, we got a new kitten.

Like anything new brought into my home, I wanted to make sure she was nice and clean. With dishes, I do this so I can eat off of them without worrying, but with a kitten it's more of a "I want to rub my face in her fur without imagining her sleeping in or near her shelter litter box."

I had to wait until I was sure she'd healed from spaying, as her stitches were water-soluble, and while I waited I looked around for some cat shampoo that wasn't flea and tick.

I couldn't find any at our grocery store or home improvement store (both of which had pet aisles). I'm sure we could have hunted up a pet store or ordered some online, but I only wanted to give her one bath, so I decided to look up whether or not it's okay to bathe your cat with human shampoo.

Some people said that they did so, and mentioned the brand they used. Johnson's Baby Shampoo seemed like a favorite, though one woman with a show cat swore by something fancier. Others said to only use cat shampoo because cat skin is more delicate than human skin, and some even hinted that it would make you an Irresponsible Kitty Parent if you used human shampoo. Still others said you never have to wash your cat because they take care of it themselves.

This is what I know: it did not bother my three month old kitten at all to resort to human shampoo (Herbal Essences Clarifying, apple-scented). Just be sure your water is lukewarm, that your cat doesn't have a preexisting skin condition (if they seem to, contact your vet instead of trying to wash it away), be sure that the shampoo is mild (no chemicals for special hair types), be sure to rinse the soap out of their fur until you see no more soap bubbles (I helped at a zoo once and you don't leave any sort of soap traces anywhere near animals), and monitor your cat for a day or two afterward to make sure the bath didn't dry out or irritate it's skin (to be safe).

If you're like me and you do stupid things like slather Neosporin on your cheek where your kitten scratched you and then press that cheek against her fur in three places before realizing what you just did, you will occasionally need to wash your cat. But unless you have a cat who cannot wash him or her self, this shouldn't need to happen except whenever your cat gets smelly or extra-dirty (ceiling renovation, anyone?). If you can find cat shampoo easily, it's nice to have that waiting in a cupboard for emergencies (I'd found some by the time of Alice's Neosporin bath). If you can't find cat shampoo in your normal pet aisles, I haven't found that a mild human shampoo hurts anything.

I'm not a cat purist by any means. I can't live without them (in college, when I couldn't have them in my apartment, I went to pet stores to get my "fix"), but I think of our living arrangements as a trade-off. They get all their medical needs, food, shelter, litter box, locator chips, and legal papers. They're also inside cats, which is more work for us but will give them longer lifespans. In return, I demand cuddles, baths, etc.

I might be a bad kitty-mama to some people, but my cats seem perfectly happy and it's their opinion that matters to me. Not those of random strangers.

-------------------

Addendum: This is based on my own experience and is not a professional opinion. Consulting a vet is always better than asking random people what they think. If you are at all worried about human shampoo harming your pet, buy the appropriate pet shampoo (if for no other reason than to set your mind at ease).

If I Were Super-Rich

2010-02-21T14:25:00.000-06:00

And a ton of cameras because if you get a burglar and he sees your guard-lion, you want a clear shot of his expression.*giggle*

Image source.

Organization for the Writer

2010-02-18T17:14:00.000-06:00

I like organizing things.

I really do.

I'm not very prolific at it, but I enjoy the little thrill of knowing where stuff goes.

So when you have over 10 years of stories in a giant overflowing bin, and you want to keep every last note card because you might use it some day . . .Where on earth are you supposed to start?

Me, I want to start with a label maker.

I have a hole puncher and a printer.

I have a ton of binders, though they're the "Bigger is better" kind and I can't decide if I like those or the friendly floppy ones better. I think the problem I have with binders is that once they're organized and I have stuff in them, there's nowhere for me to put them. Except in my doofy old bin. Out of sight, out of mind.

I do a lot of my idea organizing in Word, but then I print it out and staple it and again I can only put it in my doofy old bin.

You might say "Filing cabinet!" but that's just as bad as my bin for hiding things. Worse, because I just don't like flipping through tabbed folders. I don't know why. Always hated it.

I'm thinking of getting a simple document wallet to put completed manuscripts in for editing. I found that I really like being able to pull loose-leaf out of an envelope to edit and stuff it back in without worrying that my cat will spread the pages all over the floor. I'm incapable of editing on my computer because I always forget what I've already done.

So . . . label maker. Maybe a cork board. Figure out a spot for my binders. Consolidate notes into a smaller space. *sigh* Nobody ever plans to have this much paper lying around, but it's been the bane of offices for centuries. Somehow, some way, I'll manage.

Hey, at least I got rid of a lot of crap in the move. That's a win, right there.

Browsers v.s. Search Engines (+ Web Security Tips)

2010-02-16T00:30:00.000-06:00

There are search engines and browsers, but they are not the same thing.

The browser is the program you open (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Opera, Chrome) to browse the web in. It has a bar toward the top with "http://" starting out a string of text, usually with .com or .php at the end. You can set your home page (what pops up when you open your browser) through the "tools" or "options" menu.

A search engine is a website (Google, Yahoo, AOL, Bing, Ask). You can browse to it and use it to search the web, but it is not a "browser."

Many people have their browser's home page (the website that automatically shows up when you open your browser) set to a search engine and browse to websites by using the search engine.

You can get to, say, "Facebook Login" by Googling it. But sometimes you have weird snafoos like the time hundreds of people Googled "Facebook Login" and got some random guy's blog post about Facebook as the first link -- and they thought it was actually Facebook. (Seriously, check that guy's comments section.)

This has happened before. Notably with "Cancel Google" (again, check the comments) and more seriously with "WoW Armory," when the first sponsored link was a computer virus that hit thousands of Warcraft players -- simply because they used a search engine to browse to a website when they really really shouldn't have.

How can you avoid search engine embarrassments? Browse without a search engine through the use of Bookmarks or by typing a web address into your browser bar (the one with "http://"). For example, my web address is "www.eablevins.net". If you look at the browser bar, you will see a web address that includes "eablevins.net" at the beginning and more after it to denote a specific web page.

The benefits of changing a browsing-through-search-engines habit? Simple: fewer viruses and less confusion. You're much less likely to stumble onto an erroneous website if you go directly to a website without using a search engine.

OTHER COMPUTER SECURITY TIPS

1) Stop using Internet Explorer. Use Chrome, Firefox, or Opera instead. This is not about preference; IE makes you more vulnerable because it is more popular and thus hackers target it the most. So don't question this one. Just do it.

2) Never run files with .exe unless you know what they are, as unknown .exe files that you get from strange places ARE VIRUSES. (Chrome is good for this because it won't automatically run .exe files on webpages.)

3) If you don't have bought (and updated) virus protection, use AVG. It's free and good.

4) Spyware is not the same as viruses. To protect from spyware, get Malwarebytes (free version you have to run yourself, but the pay version can be set up to autorun when you want it).

5) Keyloggers are a form of spyware that record what you type. Even if you get a keylogger, you have to run a program to remove it, so get I-Hate-Keyloggers to prevent keyloggers from recording your keystrokes.

6) Use a strong password and don't share it. I'd recommend 8 symbols long without special characters, as I've run into issues with websites that won't accept passwords longer than 8 symbols (crazy, right?) or special characters.

Special Note:This post has been extra-simplified because people who don't already know this need a step-by-step.

Emma^3

2010-02-10T16:09:00.001-06:00

For the time being, you can watch the new version of Jane Austen's Emma on YouTube until someone reports it and it gets taken down.

I own the Kate Beckinsale version (also on YouTube, though the video quality is rougher) and prefer Kate’s portrayal simply because her facial expressions aren’t as exaggerated. She also has much better posture.

The 2009 version is good, and everyone does a great job (I particularly like that they made Emma insecure about how little she gets out in the world), but I just prefer the Kate Beckinsale one. It’s part personal taste (if you enjoy your leading ladies lively and haphazard, the 2009 version is for you), and partly that I enjoyed the book and the 2009 version takes a few liberties with showing scenes that are only alluded to. The Beckinsale version keeps to the book more strictly and has an overall more authentic feel.

Also, I don't think "Dumbledore" when I look at her father. (Yes, Dumbledore is in the 2009 one. He does much better at this role than his portrayal of Dumbledore, though.)

There's another old version (also up on YouTube O.O) with Gwyneth Paltrow, which most people will be more familiar with. I like Gwyneth Paltrow, I enjoy most of her movies, but I’m sorry to say her version isn’t as good as the other two. It seems to be more for mainstream consumption, and there are considerations taken into account for mainstream that can tamper with a good story, and not always for the better.

I tried to make my brother watch the Kate Beckinsale version. My husband enjoyed watching it when I bought it, and he’s learned to trust me when I advise him to read or watch something (when I don’t just rave about things I like, like the live action Sailor Moon or “Sonny with a Chance”). I persuaded Alex to watch “Angel” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” for example.

My brother, though, only saw the first twenty minutes or so of the Kate Beckinsale version, which he’d been making fun of before I ever put it in: “Would you like some tea? Yes, I’d love some tea! Would you like sugar in your tea? Yes, I would love sugar in my tea!” Then he saw the scene where Emma’s father goes on and on about the proper softness of a boiled egg, and he couldn’t stop laughing.

At it. Not with it.

He'd been reading theologians who lived in the time period when Emma is set. He said the problem of the day was that the aristocracy were self-absorbed and out of touch with reality, and he didn't like that Emma seemed to have that same problem. I pointed out that the point of Emma is that the lead character is like that but grows as a person through the course of the story.

He still hasn’t finished the movie, but I hope to force it on him eventually. Maybe after we make his wife finish “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” So… it’ll be a while.

Timelines, Birthdays, & Charts

2010-02-09T18:25:00.000-06:00

My character database is huge. And a mess. I'm trying to keep track of how old everyone is in any particular story so that I don't make a huge mistake and call someone a teenager when they're supposed to be in their thirties, but this effort requires coordination of character birthdays, event dates, and who is connected to whom.

It's a bit overwhelming. I'm currently making a character tree in Photoshop, just to get everyone's affiliations down in a visual way. So far, I have 62 characters on the map. Around 15 of those never even show up anywhere, and another 10 only have bit parts.

My main concern is keeping track of character's ages in relation to each other and events. I'm awful at math, and I'm terrified of getting anyone's age off by even a day. Silly, I know, but true.

It's just that I want something that will keep everything in order even while I'm switching everything around.

I started looking into Timeline software with calendar options. Bee Docs looks good except that it's for Macs. They recommend SmartDraw for Windows, though they don't market it to writers like Bee Docs does. (I do like that you can make images of your info just by asking the program to.)

The thing is, those programs aren't precisely for writers, though writers can use them. Programs that are for writers seem to be all about strict boxes you put your text in or offering active "word counters" (or even offering a new word processor -- which I wouldn't trust as far as a random executable file in my email) instead of allowing the user to choose their own options. Frankly, I just care about keeping all my ideas straight so I don't make mistakes. Organizing. That's what I need.

I've talked to Alex previously about creating a web service for writers, though we shelved it because he'd have to quit work for about three years to get it functional. It wouldn't be a social networking thing, just tools for the trade. You could list characters, add information about them, add an image, move the info around visually, manage a timeline or calendar, separate and view events, create an event date based on a character's age, create a character's age based on adding or subtracting from another character's age, map character affiliations... so on and so forth. (My main interest was adding characters to an event and having their age automatically show in parenthesis.) Basically, it'd be a tool to organize your info like you want it, but in a very visual way that, uh, doesn't require spreading colored note cards all over your floor. Not that I've done that. *whistles innocently*

I also wanted a (ambitious and, for us, impossible) character design option that would have required hiring the Sims staff. Actually, what I'd want is what the game "All Points Bulletin" is doing with its character customization. You can do pretty much anything with it, tweak any part of the human body, and I will be buying it just to play with that.

Can you imagine how fun that would be for a writer tool? Put in your character's statistics and add electronic note cards (that look like real note cards) and then design their exact look?

We knew we could never pull off the character design part. I'm waiting for EA Games to say "Oh, hey, we could make millions if we just released a massive character design tool that's easy to use and has a vampire fangs option." And then I'll buy it. Along with everyone else.

My backup plan (because, really, who waits for gaming companies to see the cash potential of a tool that combines the power of Poser with the ease of The Sims?) is to become a better artist. I want to take some classes at the local college, and Alex is interested in joining me. I also offered to take a graphic design class with my sister-in-law, because she's always been interested in that.

The end result, best case scenario, may be a free comic book on my website. I've been tinkering with the idea. Worst case, I put up lots more character drawings of varying badness in the Bonus section.

Professor Quote

2010-02-07T14:16:00.000-06:00

Dr. Elliott once said in the midst of his English lit lecture:

If you ever write a book and want to wrench your reader’s heartstrings, create a family and then tear it apart.

High School

2010-01-30T21:58:00.000-06:00

I guess the best description of me in high school could be pulled from the INFJ personality profile:

"INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. [...] [T]hey are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions."

I've always been very reserved -- sometimes perceived as standoffish or uncaring -- due to extreme emotional vulnerability. The people who most often recognized me behind my reserve (before I ever said a word to them) tended to be other introverts. The best (though not the only) example would be my friend Dee. She approached me softly and unexpectedly in gym freshman year and I felt an instinctive understanding with her. I saw some of my own shyness in her, but she'd reached out in her own quiet way and made it easy for me to feel safe. I believe she knew how to get past my reserve simply because she knew what it was like to be afraid of opening up.

It didn't help with the reserved half of things, of course, that I lived most of high school in my own headspace. The line "rich, vivid inner life" is almost an understatement. I didn't pay attention to people outside my immediate zone simply because most of my attention (when not focused on class or homework) was spent daydreaming, making up fantastic adventures inspired by my latest favorite movie or book or TV show. The real world (who was dating who, who broke up with who, who wasn't talking to who) meant very little to me.

The effect was that, in high school, I didn't pay much attention to anyone who didn't put themselves right in front of me, but I maintained an ambivalent attitude toward most people. I wanted to get along with people, I even wanted to like everyone I met, but it didn't matter if people ignored me because I was so busy with my own thoughts.

The only place I felt truly lonely was in choir. I hated choir. Not because it was awful, but because I had no one to talk to. I was happy when we were singing, which happened a lot less often than it should have, and I was happy when I thought of a comic to draw because then Andrew and Marc would read it and I'd get to have an actual conversation, but I hated choir because most of the time I was alone and bored.

I liked a boy in my choir class. I was friends with him by graduation, and I was over him soon after, but I liked him for a very straightforward reason -- he was nice to everyone, even the unpopular kids. I've always liked nice guys. (Listen for the sound of my dad going "YAY!") But this boy was also popular and thus always surrounded by people. And I don't do the extrovert thing, where you're comfortable talking to people in front of other people.

I also had a friendly acquaintance on the soprano side of the room, where she held court over the Christian kids. They all seemed very nice, and the soprano girl was even my ride to school for quite a while, but I just couldn't make myself go be part of that group, mostly because I had serious trust issues with Christian youth groups after Shea and Emily. (Trust issues I mostly worked out in New Jersey -- thanks, Melissa!) The other reason was that the soprano was also popular and always surrounded by people. And I still didn't do crowds.

Aside from those four, there were a few altos and my microphone partner, all of whom would talk to me, but they tended to only talk when they felt like talking, and they usually had their own friends to talk to instead of me.

So, strictly speaking, I had no one I could just go up to and hang out with in choir. Outside of choir, I had a small, oddball, intelligent group of friends I could fall into step with and they wouldn't look at me weird for it. In choir, I had several people who'd talk to me when they had a reason to. But the rest of the time, I was just... lonely.

I guess high school wasn't too bad if choir was the worst part. I'm sure there are much worse things I could have faced, and God has blessed me with friends and family now so that I've never felt more emotionally secure in my life. (I'm even curing my stage fright by doing karaoke with my sister-in-law. My tendency to go quavery and flat when trying out for choir solos kept me frustrated and unfulfilled whenever one came along that I liked -- another reason to hate choir -- but working on curing it makes me feel like I'm exorcising a personal demon.)

All in all, I was pretty lucky in high school. My friends, even the ones I had in choir who could (and did) drive the lonely away every now and then, were amazing people. And living in my own headspace kept me from worrying about crap like social status or what others thought of me. I managed to avoid a lot of the nastiest parts of high school, simply due to personality and the luck of having such steady, honest people around me.

Yep. I could have done a lot worse.

The Fine Line of Gratitude

2010-01-29T13:15:00.000-06:00

In a Bible study a year or so ago, we went around the room and said the top three big things we wanted that we couldn't get right away.

My list went like this:

Second Cat
House
World of Warcraft Phoenix Mount

I explained the third, because our Bible study was full of actual adults (and not just kids of adult age). It's the most beautiful item in the game. Your character can fly around on a fiery bird that trails pink ribbons of love and joy behind it.

The problem is that it takes 10 people and 50 weeks of dedicated successful kill attempts. On average. (2% drop rate from a boss available once a week.) We figured we'd be lucky if we got good enough gear to use 7 players instead of 10.

I don't know that I ever thought I'd actually see it, but my family started up trying for it. It took us a few weeks to get the boss down (we had limited time to try, due to our schedules). But on the third successful kill attempt, what do you think happened?

It dropped.

O.O

After that, I figured I didn't need anything else from the game. I wanted to give back but didn't know how, and I've been trying to find outlets to show my gratitude to the people who helped me get this beautiful big wish item.

When you do something out of thanks and gratitude, when you don't have to do it, it means more.

But everything changes if someone starts to think they're entitled to your gratitude. When they start to expect it. Then it stops being selfless and becomes a debt you have to repay.

It's like that with my faith.

Good work (charity, if you will) stops being personal when people get mad at (or think less of) you for not doing it. It stops being an expression of thanks and turns into something you do to avoid getting hassled.

With every fiber of my being, I hate that.

It's why I don't go to scheduled church events where everyone gets to see and monitor each other on what good work they're doing. Not everyone monitors you, but I guarantee most churches have at least one person judging everyone else, thinking (wrongly) that we do have to pay God back for saving us and that we’re closer to him if we keep a tally of who’s being good and who isn’t.

If I want to give out of thanks or love or gratitude, I try to do it quietly or unexpectedly. I don't want my name trotted out in front of the whole town, I don't even want to be noticed. I want to go in, do my work, and go home feeling like I did what the Spirit moved me to do, instead of feeling like I did what I had to.

But if anyone insists on making a big deal about it, counting up my good deeds in front of people who will judge me on them, then those deeds become absolutely worthless to me.

I don't want to present gifts to my gaming friends in front of our entire guild, and I don't want to do good works for God in front of an entire church. For me, it doesn't count when I get too noticed -- then I've gotten my reward, like the man in the Bible who prays on the street corner. I'm much more inclined to hiding and praying in a room. For myself, it's the only way to make it real.

-----------------------

Addendum

"Saved by Grace" and "Saved by Works" have always been a warring subset of Christian beliefs. Strictly speaking, most of the people who pay attention to works fall on the "Saved by Works" side of the fence. Thus, most of these people mean well, but they put the pressure they've created for themselves on everyone else, thinking that's how you reach salvation. Paul in Romans clearly states that isn't the case.

There's another small argument over the idea of "Saved by Grace." The Baptist church believes that grace means you can never revoke your salvation once you're saved (i.e. you can live as an adulterous murderer for the rest of your days and still go to heaven). I fall on the other side of that, where I believe it's possible to consciously turn your back on God and thus revoke salvation -- though I think it might take some doing, and you can always go back again.

So as you can see, this post indirectly touches on some delicate religious arguments, and I hope this addendum helps you see the whats and whys.

This post is not, however, a religious post. It's simply my take on the subject presented: showing gratitude. The fact that it affects my faith is simply part of the whole.

Don't Judge

2010-01-23T23:39:00.000-06:00

Crazy, stupid, offensive people sell a lot more newspaper headlines than sensible, rational people do.

Thus, the crazies often get 98% of the publicity for any particular group. Think about Muslims and what they have to deal with when the terrorist sects are all some people know about their religion. Or consider how Christians only get publicized by nutjob hate groups anymore.

The crazies are not usually the community leaders of a group. They just stand out of the crowd more. There are other crazies who listen to them, sure, but every time a crazy says something stupid, the sane part of their community has to live it down.

Thus, those of us who don't want to murder anyone really don't appreciate when the crazies crawl out of their holes to make headlines.

They aren't our spokesmen.

They're nutjobs.

Just so you know.

Sailor Moon

2010-01-22T01:22:00.001-06:00

Cat tells girl she's a magical super hero who fights monsters.
Girl is bad at fighting monsters.
Girl finds local friends who fight monsters with her.
Girl likes mysterious guy who saves her from monsters all the time, but no one knows who the guy actually is.
Girl finds out who mysterious guy is and starts dating him after many trials in a "One True Love" sort of deal.
Girl finds older friends who fight monsters with her.
Girl finds space alien friends who fight monsters with her.

I loved writing fanfiction about Sailor Moon. There are a lot of good characters to play with and a lot of interesting dynamics to dabble in. My favorites are the blue-haired genius from the first group of friends (the girl's inner circle), because she's shy and thus I can identify with her and get into her head for a story; and the bubbly blonde from the inner circle, who (according to the canon comic book) used to be the leader of that group in their previous lives (instead of the main girl). I find the blonde makes the most fascinating material for character studies, simply because she yearns to be outgoing and girly but has a heavy sense of responsibility too.

The mysterious guy also had a group of friends in his previous life, though they . . . didn't reincarnate as nicely as the girls. One idea the comic (manga) artist dabbled with and rejected was the possibility of the main girl's inner circle of friends and the mysterious guy's friends (four each) being paired up as couples in their previous lives.

Though she didn't run with the idea for longer than one painting, it's something fans ran with. Me in particular. The idea was too adorable to pass up, and the love interests for them in the cartoon (anime) were gag-worthy.

The live action show tried to stay truer to the feel of the comic than the cartoon did. The cartoon was targeted more toward kids with lots of filler episodes, whereas the live action placed emphasis on story progression and the growth of the main girl and mysterious guy's romance.

The live action was also, like the comic book, a lot cuter than the cartoon (particularly the cartoon as dubbed into English -- in the early years of dubbing, TV executives thought that children were the only ones who watched "Japanese cartoons," which is now a phenomenon among teens and adults, so the execs gave anime characters goofy Barney the Dinosaur voices).

All that to say I'm going to watch through the Live Action again. It's a-dorable.

Just a Housewife, Nothing to See Here

2010-01-17T11:37:00.002-06:00

I should have mentioned this to my brother.

I went to church with him last week (it's an hour drive and I have trouble getting up early, so I rarely go) and got to listen to a pleasant elderly man tell me how I should write about his life because he's been so many places and done so much stuff.

I smiled and nodded, but it was pretty painful. And awkward. Ohmygoodness, the awkward.

People think, and it's really not their fault because they aren't writers and don't get it, but they think that just because you can write that you can write anything. That just because you're interested in writing, you don't discriminate in what you write.This is a false assumption.

Writers write what they're interested in, which in my case is not biography. If he told me some life anecdotes and I wanted to base a character off of him, that'd be one thing, but that character wouldn't be him and it wouldn't be in any kind of story he'd want to read. It would be in a girlie book.

Because that's what I write.

It's true that if someone paid me a million dollars, I'd write about their life experiences.

But it would be a piece of crap.

Why?

Because I wouldn't enjoy it. When a writer doesn't enjoy their work, they do bad work. Interest in your subject always shows.

Which is why you can't tell elderly men the exact reason why you can't write their biography -- because you're just not that interested in their life story.

Because that'd seem kind of rude, right?

So you smile and nod and get away as fast as possible.

My brother, luckily, had my back and tried to explain that I write books about teenage super heroes. I don't think the gentleman quite understood, but it was a relief to have Jon there.

I love my brother. He always understands stuff like this. And I think I'll forgo the housewife cover because I can just imagine all the ways he'd find to poke fun of me for it. >_>

What a Bad Publishing Market!

2010-01-16T00:20:00.000-06:00

I've been reading about how bad the market is and how hard it is to get published right now.

I don't particularly care.

If the market or my writing style or a smudge the mailman left on my query envelope keeps me raking in the rejections....

Fine.

I'm working on the prequel to the series, and I can try my hand querying it when the economy's better.

But just because the economy is bad, it doesn't mean I'm going to use that as an excuse to give up. I'm not going to stop querying and deathgrip my agent list in the hope that the recession will end.

Suck it up, people, and get back to your keyboards. These stories aren't going to write themselves.

So You’re Considering Self-Publishing, Huh?

2010-01-15T22:17:00.002-06:00

There are two modes of publishing. The traditional publishing house and the more modern "do it yourself" variety.

Some people, like my dad, take "do it yourself" to the extreme and print the book themselves on an actual printer and ship it out per order. This can work, as my dad has proven to me.

Most self-published books are through vanity publishing houses, print-on-demand, or pay-to-publish services. You pay them and they give you a nice book all bound up to do with as you will.

The problem with pay-to-publish houses is that they don't screen what they're putting in print. They print it because you pay them to.

This has created a stigma around self-publications that those books aren't as good as traditionally published works, simply because they aren't vetted for quality.

While that thought has some truth, the idea that self-published works aren't as good as traditional media is simply a stereotype based on the medium. There are, in fact, categories in reputable contests for self-published works, and plenty of self-published works have done remarkably well.

But I'm sorry to say that when a nice lady at my church said her husband wrote a book that "he published himself," my eyes glazed over a little. The sad truth is that the majority of self-published works don't do as well as my dad's. My dad hit a niche market with a new idea (alliterated Bible outline), but self-publishing reminds me of blogging. People put their work out and, yeah, some of them are really great. But it seems more likely that you'll find lists of what that person had for breakfast every day in a shudder-worthy format.

It's great for the writer, but it's hard to get any sort of recognition even if you are good. It's a very tough medium.

Personally, I want traditional publishing to handle the mundane details so that I can go into bookstores and squee "Oh look! I wrote that!" I don't want to design, publish, et cetera, because I just want to sit back and do the writing part and get paid for it. Also, traditional publishing would give my books access to more bookstores, whereas self-published works have to fight tooth and nail for a shelf spot.

So if you want to do self-publishing, more power to you, but you should be aware of the pitfalls you may face by going around and telling people "I did it all by myself." Instead of selling someone on your book, toting your self-publication like a badge can turn people off. Instead, tell them which local bookstores have your work and give them the link to your website in case they want to order it directly. Personally, I wouldn't mention self-publication in any of the material I offered. Instead, give people a chance to get interested in the work itself. Give them the first few pages or a blurb to read. Advertise what you're selling, not how you're selling it.

Trust me when I say that more people will actually look at your book if you sell them on the product instead of how self-sufficient you are. Some writers, working to break into the traditional market, actually look down on self-published writers as people who can't make it in the traditional market. Thus, statements like "It was so easy!" to someone who's slaved for a year to get an agent to give him or her the time of day is not the best way to make friends or promote your book. (It is a good way to get hot coffee dumped in your lap.)

Still, with a dash of prudence and a lot of hard work on your part, you can make a self-published work successful. It's entirely possible. But it is a lot of work. And it carries an unfortunate stigma. If you're willing to put that work in, to make your project perfect and market it and try to get local bookstores to put it on their shelves . . .

Then my prayers are with you, aspiring-writer-snug. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Related Resources

Wikipedia: Self-Publishing
Should You Self Publish?
Why People Hate Self-Published Authors
Self-Published Authors Don't Have to Look Bad
The Stigma of Self-Publishing: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, More, Redux

This post inspired by a friend who was approached by a vanity press, which she mistook for a traditional publisher.

A traditional publisher pays the writer (you) without demanding any charges or fees.

Being Lazy

2010-01-14T00:55:00.000-06:00

I need to get more queries out. I know this.

I'm being lazy.

It's not that I'm discouraged, it's just that I have a very very long list of agents and it's a daunting chore. And, yeah, it's definitely a chore to get this stuff out. I just need to find time, energy, and willpower. Willpower most of all.

Alex agreed to nag me to get more done this weekend. Wasn't that nice of him?

Ira Glass on Storytelling #3

2010-01-13T13:53:00.001-06:00

This is very interesting.

Glass says that when you start working on creative projects, you have excellent taste but your work isn't as good as you want it to be. It takes years to bridge that gap, but a lot of people quit in that period. The only way to get past it is to keep putting out work until your creations reach the level that your taste expects.

I think this is the "horrible first book, decent second book" thing. Every writer has projects stuffed away that suck.

Ira Glass is the host of the national radio show, This American Life.

Re-Reading a Favorite Book

2010-01-04T13:31:00.003-06:00

I just finished A Stranger to Command and am in the middle of Crown Duel, and these books make me feel like an incompetent hack with a computer full of childish scribbles.

It's not that they're similar to my work, it's just that they make me feel so strongly, and I love them so much, I can't help but think I'm not good enough when I read them.

I am in the midst of a bit of writer's block. I can't start anything new without hating every word. I've been working off and on toward completing a third book in the super hero series, but I'm also still shopping around for an agent for Frostbite and trying to flesh out that world in general -- I've created five new characters to use as background noise in another story, one that actually predates Frostbite in the general chronology of the series.

I figure if I can't get Frostbite up and running, I can just work on the prequel until it's ready to shop. It's a little darker, and a lot of the agents I've looked at seem to want dark and edgy.

I'm about as edgy as bunny slippers, but I'll see what I can whip up.

Popularity

2010-01-02T12:24:00.000-06:00

Over Christmas, after an episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" that touched on popularity and its pitfalls, my dad said with eloquent disgust: "I was a nobody in high school until they learned I could tackle and shoot a basketball."

I thought for a moment, choosing my words, and replied, "I didn't know if I was popular or unpopular or a non-entity in high school, and I didn't really care."

Dad nodded twice, firmly. "That's good. That's good. Too many people do care and spend all of high school trying to be popular."

I nodded back silently. Nothing else needed to be said.

Ghost Stories

2009-12-21T13:54:00.000-06:00

I believe in something I can't prove, so I maintain an agnostic approach to the paranormal. I don't know if ghosts and psychics are real or not. I'll go so far as to say "maybe sometimes."

But my rule of thumb when presented with a psychic or a ghostly experience is skepticism. Not because I'm a hardened skeptic (I'll listen with a sympathetic ear), but because many people who bring these things to public attention are in fact wrong. Skeptic and debunker James Randi has a standing offer of 1 million dollars to anyone who can show him proof of paranormal phenomena. That offer has been up since 1964 and no one has claimed it. Thus, when presented with paranormal phenomena, my gut reaction is "Tread carefully, I'm being conned."

I watched some Paranormal State the other day while working and talked to Alex about it. There's a strong trend in that show of people who really really believe in ghosts explaining weird phenomena that way. (Though I have no sympathy for the woman who thought a ghost was physically terrorizing her family and refused to move because "I love this house.") One family was just freaked out by their creaky house (I live in an old house -- it's called "settling"), except that their daughter had sleep paralysis, which they interpreted as a manifestation of the ghost/demon.

Sleep paralysis "leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. [It] may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations and an acute sense of danger. Some scientists have proposed this condition as an explanation for alien abductions and ghostly encounters." Triggers include migraines, stress, sleeping facing upwards, irregular sleep schedules, sudden life changes, a lucid dream right before (source). It's also very common to feel as if something is sitting on your chest (source).

My husband read elsewhere that most people will experience sleep paralysis at least once in their lives.

Mine was this morning.

I had this dream. Sometimes I wake up just enough to open my eyes but fall back to sleep instantly, and somehow my bedroom is incorporated into the dream. The dream itself was pretty creepy. Instead of being on the second floor of an old house, my parents and brother and I were on the first floor and had a lake out beside us.

In this dream, I decided to go swimming but, when I got out there, before I took my glasses off, I saw five skull-painted faces bobbing just past the house, in a semicircle, glaring. So I thought "They look like they want to drown me" and turned around and went back inside. Because if I went in that water, I knew they would. (Being hunted while swimming is my least favorite nightmare, so I'm thrilled I avoided it.)

I walked past my brother in the living room, went to my bedroom, and lay down beside my dad and talked to him about the faces in the water. He said he knew about them. He'd found the vessel that held the extremely powerful demonic force they worshiped. It scared him. He said they wanted it back and were most likely violent.

I thought "I hope my brother doesn't try to go swimming before I warn him about the dangerous people in the water."

I tried to get up to warn him.

I couldn't move. My dad wasn't in the room anymore, just me and the vessel on the bureau.

Then, like the girl in the show, I had a shadowy beast (mine was like a monkey) sitting on my chest, choking me. In my head, I forced my arms up to try and push it off, but I knew my actual arms weren't moving. I tried to move my physical arms and couldn't. The shadow monkey disappeared and I couldn't move at all, no matter how hard I willed it.

I fell back asleep. My dad was back and the room filled with people. I had to stand at the foot of the bed and give a class presentation on the vessel that I hadn't prepared for. (Yeah, that's right, on top of a demonic shadow monkey and skull faces that wanted to drown me, I had a SCHOOL nightmare.)

I then managed to wake my mind up enough to realize I was dreaming and try to snap out of it. It took another few minutes to order my body to cooperate.

I stumbled out of the bedroom, exhausted but not willing to stay in bed. I found husband opening his new snow boots. He apologized for waking me up, and if I'd been more awake I would have laughed. Instead, I waved a vague hand in his direction and mumbled that he hadn't, then told him I thought I'd experienced sleep paralysis.

After hearing my weird dreams, he agreed. He'd done the initial research to disprove that episode of Paranormal State.

And now I'm glad that I got to experience it. Aside from the nightmare bits, it was pretty interesting. I'm still not 100% sure it was real sleep paralysis, but during and just after the monkey part I'm pretty sure I was awake and unable to move.

As for paranormal phenomena, I still maintain it could exist. But I also take the practical path of "There's probably another explanation." From what I could tell on Paranormal State, a lot of it is just intense belief coupled with fear. A lot of the families showcased on PS have believers that go generations back. Many have one intense believer swaying everyone else, a person who hasn't sought other explanations (or who has and hasn't found another answer).

When kids were featured as seeing ghosts in PS, someone else always brought the idea up. Most of the time, it seemed like the parents were at fault, but once it may have been school friends or a neighbor talking about someone who died somewhere specific.

I don't deny that people see, hear, and feel strange things. But I believe that most of the time, there are other explanations for odd experiences. Before looking for a ghost, look for a cat. Before deciding on a poltergeist, have someone check your home's foundation. Before a wraith, look for sources of light and shadow making weird patterns.

An active imagination in the dark can be the scariest thing of all, and most of the time that's probably what's haunting you.

Shopping Dream

2009-12-13T16:28:00.000-06:00

I had a great dream. I was in a store with an allowance of $1,000 a month and I got to buy whatever clothing I wanted regardless of price.

I haven't bought any new clothing in three years. I still wear things my mom got me in high school. In fact, 98% of the clothing I own? It's stuff my mom bought me.

My husband's closet is worse than mine, because he only ever shopped at Goodwill in college. His nicest shirts are (guess what?) shirts my mom bought him.

If I had an extra thousand dollars a month, you know what I'd do?

Invest it.

>_>

Ummm... Yeah.

When I eventually get a book published, this is how it's gonna go down:

10% to tithes (probably split up between charity and church).
15% set aside for taxes.
Pay off student loans.
Invest.
Clothes shopping to replace worn-out items for both me and husband.

I pray to God that we can get to #5. I have 10 pairs of pants and none of them fit quite right. It's painful.

American History

2009-12-11T14:00:00.001-06:00

My American History teacher in high school was awesome. She was also in charge of Quiz Bowl, which I was part of more to spend time with friends than compete (oddly, I went to State to fill out our team because most of our hardcore players had chosen to do the state science fair instead).

So she had these Quiz Bowl buzzers in her classroom that she pulled out twice during American History to review for tests. She split us into teams, grouped our desks together, and anyone who knew the answer could buzz in for their team.

The first time we did this, about halfway through, I gave a wrong answer. I was on a team with Chip Girl and a boy who always seemed to be stressed out. (They belonged to the intellectual group, whereas I belonged to the group that was too weird to hang with the intellectuals and too intellectual to hang with the freaks. From what I could tell, my group was a lot more laid-back than theirs.)

In the test review, when I gave my wrong answer, the boy turned his head away and muttered "I knew that one" in frustration to the person on his other side.

I stared at the fake wood top of my desk and stopped giving answers.

After class, I shoved the incident to the back of my head and didn't bring it out again until the review for the next test, when our teacher set the buzzers up again.

All the hurt came rushing back, so I raised my hand and begged to go to the nurse for a stomachache. My stomach really did hurt. It hurt because I was going to start crying any second, so when the teacher gave me permission I grabbed all my stuff and fled.

The nurse took one look at my face and ordered me to the counselor's office.

Here's the thing. I worked in the counselor's office. I knew all the counselors by name. I felt really awkward going to them in tears.

But go I did. And the soft-spoken man I talked to let me cry and handed me a box of tissues and waited patiently. I got out what had happened last time I played that review game, what the boy had said and how he'd said it.

I'd never seen that counselor look angry before. He asked the boy's name.

I shook my head vehemently. I didn't want to get anyone in trouble, especially not a kid who'd probably never gotten in trouble before in his life, and who might hold it against me if I made that happen. (You really have no idea how wound-up some of the intellectuals came across.) And I could imagine how he'd feel about getting in trouble for an impulsive comment he'd made weeks ago. Oh yeah, he'd love me for that.

So I explained that I didn't think he'd meant to upset me, and the counselor didn't insist on the name. In spite of my tears, I didn't really blame the other kid -- he was an overzealous student who groused when I lost him a point in a game. It happens.

By the end of our talk, I'd stopped sobbing but couldn't go back to class. The counselor asked if I wanted to stay or go home (it was maybe the second-to-last period of the day).

I wanted to go home. I wanted to escape. I didn't think I'd be able to pull myself together enough to get through another class and I didn't want to try.

My mom came and the school secretary told her I had run out of sick days. My mom tried to talk me into staying, but I couldn't. Emotionally, I knew I'd continue to be a non-functioning mess if I couldn't get some alone time in my room with my cat. Logically, I knew that I could explain myself to the school board if one extra sick day made them question my legitimacy to graduate.

I was absolutely desperate and absolutely adamant that I get out of there, so my mom said okay and gave me a hug and took me home.

I've been okay about it since. I'm not ashamed I cried, and I'm not mad at the boy for letting his competitiveness make him insensitive. I'm glad I got to go home, and I'm glad nobody else knew I'd broken down, and I'm glad the school board didn't think my one extra sick day was worth commenting on.

All in all, it could have been worse.

Collingswood

2009-12-05T16:14:00.000-06:00

In Stan, we saw wisdom. In Linda, strength.

In Bibi, laughter. In Dave, warmth.

In Tate, enthusiasm; in Margaret, generosity; in Sean, playfulness. In Bill, gentleness; in the Fortunatos, understanding; in Melissa, sweetness; in Sarah, confidence; in Jag, perception; in Chett, benevolence; in the Finns, kindness; in the Swinehearts, hospitality.

In all, love.

Dwelling

2009-12-04T17:51:00.000-06:00

Do you ever remember stuff that makes you feel stupid? Embarrassing moments, in particular? Something you said that may have been taken the wrong way? Laughing at something that you failed to realize until afterward was serious?

I remember that kind of thing waaaay too much. It might sound weird, but punching one hand into my palm so hard it hurts helps me stop mid-dwell. I punch my hand, switch to a new train of thought, and focus on only that new train of thought.

Whatever works, right?

Better Than U… And Everyone Else, Too

2009-11-30T19:42:00.001-06:00

I've been reading some fanfiction lately (don't laugh at me), on X-Men: Evolution. I'm a fan of Rogue and Gambit in particular, thanks to the original cartoon when I was a kid. There's just something beautiful about how starcrossed they are. As for the cartoons, I just prefer the art style of Evolution. I also wouldn't understand all the references of real X-Men fanfiction and, frankly, X-Men: Evolution is for teens and that's the age group I gravitate toward, as far as entertainment goes.

The show itself was kind of moralistic -- it tried to teach lessons about being a true friend and how family always forgives and how you should talk things out. That was okay, but it did get in the way of plot. The best episodes were the ones that delved into the characters' canon comic backgrounds, because that added surprising depth to a show that leaned too far toward after-school-special. My favorite of these depth episodes was (obviously) the one where Gambit gets Rogue to help him out with something in his old hometown: "Cajun Spice." I won't spoil the plot, but it's the first (and only) real interaction the two have (the show got canceled soon after).

So, since my Warcraft account is down for the next month or so, I decided to poke around and see if I could find any nice Rogue and Gambit fanfics. (Seriously. Don't laugh.) I sifted through the first chapters of a few, got a little jaded on how most of them try to maneuver around her "no touch" problem so they could get to the making out. Got a headache from the grammar issues -- which is not to be confused with encountering grammar issues so bad they're funny.

I learned as a teenager that the best way to find good fanfiction is to find someone who writes reasonably well and look in their favorite stories section. That's how I found Seriana Ritani (Flight, Allons Voler, Fly Away Home, Fly By Night -- these four parts comprise a long story the size of a real novel). She explains in her author bio that she has Asperger's Syndrome (a form of high-functioning autism), so when she's into something she's really into it. I can only assume the A.S. also encourages better grammar because her stories are a wonderland of proper sentence formation, correct spelling, and seamlessly woven moments of French that are (at least in the world of fanfiction) pure art.

Her stories are actually good. On their own. As stories.

OMG, impossible, right? No, I'm serious. This is the kind of thing I wade through the dross of fanfiction for.

You'll want a little background if you read her stuff on my recommendation -- that episode of Cajun Spice will fill in most of the gaps and wikipedia can handle the rest. Pretty much all of the characters she brings in are actual canon comic characters, so you can poke into their wiki pages and read up on them. Seeing as how there are a lot of characters to keep straight, I'd recommend taking that time.

The reason I'm actually willing to recommend her work here is that it's clean. Somehow, the cleaner a romance is in fanfiction, the more likely the writer is going to pay attention to plot. Ritani delivers, not just plot or cleanliness or substance but truly moving writing where the characters form relationships based on trust and friendship, not just teenage hormones.

Which brings me around to the title of this post. One thing I deeply admire in Ritani's work is the fact that she accurately represents characters as the flawed beings they are.

I'm currently suffering through a different Rogue/Gambit story, hoping it'll get to some sort of point before I give up on it, and it just had a scene reminiscent of one of Ritani's. The difference between the two scenes clearly shows which writer is better. Not because of style, but because of what happens.

Situation: Gambit must face off against Cyclops, who is the team leader of the X-Men.

In Ritani's epic, Gambit does this because he has a bet with Rogue about who would win. Cyclops wins the fair fight, but Gambit cheats and calls it a win for his bet.

In the other story, they're just training but Gambit plays the fight out so as to not embarrass Cyclops in front of the spectators. Not only is Gambit clearly superior, but everyone knows it (as evidenced by a bet over whether Gambit wins in more or less than 10 minutes). This fight is not important to the plot, as winning or losing makes no real difference, and was put in to show off how superior Gambit is. It is accompanied by the X-Men women admiring him and the men (except for Cyclops) considering the women's susceptibility to Gambit as a fact of life.

Ritani shows Gambit as a real human (or mutant, if you want to nitpick) capable of trying and failing. He is not the best fighter, nor does he get every woman ever (though she does include his considerable charm, it doesn't blind the X-Women). In canon, he's one of the world's best thieves, but Ritani makes allowances in her story to show that he's not so good that he can embarrass the more powerful and experienced thieves and even emphasizes that he wouldn't want to if he could. The other story, however, makes him out to be some sort of unstoppable force -- feared by men, wanted by women, all-around-godlike.

I do realize I'm not only talking about fiction but fanfiction when I say "That is so unrealistic," but it's not about where I read it or what fantasy elements might make it plausible. It's the principle that, when you're telling a story, your character cannot have the upper hand all the time. Even Superman struggled.

The Lesson

I keep these principles in mind when I write:

A character must have real personality flaws.
A character cannot be friends with everyone who matters.
A character must be bad at some things.
A character can't stay the best forever.

Simply put, a character has to be flawed and can't be perfect. These things are true for every character ever, no matter what. To ignore them is to write badly.

---------------------------------------

Excerpt from "the other story:"
(I prefer not to give a link or the title if I'm using it as an example of bad writing.)

Gambit mostly parried for ten minutes straight. Cyclops would stand in the middle of the room, shooting off his optic blasts and Gambit got a good workout in acrobatics, flipping up and dodging the light beams this way and that. His original plan was to drag the fight long enough until Cyclops would wear out. But at this rate, where Gambit was doing most of the moving, and Cyclops only working the muscles in his index finger while he clicked open and shut his glasses, it seemed Gambit would be the one to tire first. And most likely, that was Cyclops’ plan.

Cyclops gritted his teeth in frustration, as he opened and shut his visor, trying to predict Gambit’s next move. But not even one of his beams had connected so far. Gambit was incredibly fast, and just when Cyclops would think he got him cornered, he’d flip out of the situation in some unbelievably clever way, and half of the time, Cyclops’ eyes couldn’t even follow his movements. In any case, his best bet was to keep his attacks long distance and in rapid succession so Gambit had little time to retaliate. Already, Gambit’s movement was getting a little sloppier, so Cyclops began to vary his attacks. It was a lot like playing "Duck Hunt."

There was an internal conflict within Gambit as he quickly doubled backwards from another red laser beam sizzling through the air. He should probably end this soon. Because he really did not want to spend the whole day doing this. Another beam sliced through the air, and Gambit dove to the side and cartwheeled over another. The dilemma was to end the fight by just getting hit by one of Cyclops’ beams or fighting back and taking him down.

Excerpt from Ritani's story:

Bobby came shooting into the kitchen, pinwheeling his arms for balance as he reached the end of his ice slide. “You guys you guys you guys! You gotta see this! Scott and Gambit are dukin’ it out in the Danger Room!”

Preparations for dinner were abandoned. Kitty, Amara, Sam, Ray, Roberto, Kurt and Jamie went shoving and yelling up the hallway, each eager to be the first to see their field commander either administer or receive a kicking of the butt. They crowded into the Observation Room, which was crisscrossed with flashes of red and orange light as the two young men unleashed their arsenals upon one another.

“I wonder if it hurts more to get hit by the optic beam or one of the cards?” Jamie asked. “Wow, nice flip!”

“He’s pretty good with that staff,” Ray observed. “We should train with those.”

“But not so much with the cards. He can’t throw them fast enough to keep up with Scott.”

“Hey!” Bobby protested. “That’s my favorite workout bag!”

“Shut up, Bobby!”

“But I liked that bag! Look at it, all over the floor—"

“Woo-hoo! You show him, Cyclops! Nobody messes with . . . ouch.”

“He’s okay. See, he’s up.”

“Gambit’s got to run out of cards sooner or later.”

“Yeah, but will he run out of them before Scott’s eyes get tired?”

“Do Scott’s eyes get tired?”

“Man!” Kurt griped. “I can’t believe Storm forgot to buy popcorn!”

“I’ve got some M&Ms in my pocket,” Jamie offered.

“Eew,” said Kitty.

“Ooo! Right in the chest!”

“Who? Who? I missed it! Oh, Gambit, right.”

“He smacked his head pretty hard, too.”

“Yeah, his balance is off. See how he wobbled right there?”

“Shouldn’t somebody go tell Logan or somebody? They’re going to get hurt.”

“You’re such a spoilsport, Amara.”

“You guys you guys! I think he’s down!”

The light show abruptly ceased. Everyone crowded to the window to see Gambit, nearly in the center of the room, sprawled onto his hands and knees. His head was bowed, his coat was only on by one arm, and his staff lay on the floor a few feet away. Cyclops warily removed his hand from the shutter of his visor, still tensed and ready for a fresh attack.

“Is he hurt?”

“Sssshhh!”

As everyone watched, Scott approached his downed opponent and offered his hand. Gambit wearily raised his head, his unsettling eyes radiating resentment and wounded pride. But Scott did not withdraw his hand, and after a long moment of hesitation, Gambit took it.

Then, so fast that no one could really see how it had been done, Gambit pivoted on one knee, swept Scott’s feet out from underneath him, snatched up his staff, flipped upright, and planted the staff’s end squarely against Scott’s throat.

-----

“He! La donc, a la fin de l’envoi, je touche,” Gambit recited. “Very well played, mon ami.”

“You cheated,” Scott accused.

“I did,” Gambit acknowledged, slithering one arm back into his hanging sleeve. “I beg yo’ pardon. I had a lot ridin’ on dis fight.” He spun the staff, collapsed it, and slipped back into the pocket of his coat. “Nex’time, we play yo’way.”

Scott climbed to his feet and brushed off his uniform. “What do you mean, you had a lot riding on it? Like what?”

Gambit grinned. “Five courses an’ cheesecake fo’ dessert.” He stuck his hand in his pocket, then scowled absentmindedly. “I’m gonna have t’get more cards. You used up my whole deck.”

“Wait a minute . . . was this whole thing just a game to you?”

“Why? You not havin’ fun?” Gambit smirked, then made an elaborate bow. “I will bid you good evenin’, M’sieur Summers, an’ I will leave yo’house at once. Kindly convey my compliments to yo’ lovely lady friend.”

Then, without another word, Gambit strolled out of the Danger Room and walked purposefully out of the mansion.

I'm a MORON

2009-11-25T17:07:00.000-06:00

Sent a query with an SASE that, guess what, doesn't have proper postage on it.

/slitwrists

Have to completely resend it and now that agent will think I'm a moron.

In fact, all my pre-prepared envelopes don't have enough postage because I prepared them THREE YEARS AGO. Idiot idiot idiot!

So I can't do anything with snail mail until we get some 3 cent stamps.

Alex said "It's just one," but it's really not. It's one out of a very limited number with a very low chance of success. In querying, you must query every agent perfectly or they'll just throw your materials out. They will THROW YOU OUT. I'm not even joking. It's a very very tough scene.

I'm going to go cry now.

Catfight

2009-11-24T11:24:00.000-06:00

Alex examines the cats as they fight, 3 lb Alice versus 12 lb Tiger. "He's not hurting the new kitten, she just meows when he pins her down."

I pull a tomato out for my sandwich and look for something to cut it with. "So she whines when she's losing."

Alex shakes his head and teases: "Just like a woman." Tossing a look over his shoulder to meet my glare, he straightens abruptly. "Oh, you're holding a knife." Placating grin. "I love you!"

I hold back laughter to keep glowering. "Uh huh."

He says that every time we make sandwiches -- "Oh, you're holding a knife." Every time I set the knife down, he makes some wisecrack, and every time I pick it up, he nervously tells me he loves me. It's pretty hard to keep a straight face.

He even has a meter he created to rank his jokes, from "I just got stabbed" at the top to "chuckle-worthy" in the middle to "meh" at the bottom. The closer he gets to me stabbing him, the better the joke.

Husband on LJ Smith

2009-11-20T12:39:00.003-06:00

Several years ago, I read Alex the Night World series by LJ Smith. He liked them well enough, so I decided to record a man's perspective on them for posterity. This interview is several years old, but it's still good. :)

One warning -- this interview has major spoilers for the series up to and including Huntress. If you haven't read them and want to, don't read this interview.

"These books are coursing with estrogen," said Alex.

My husband and I got into a habit -- the habit of me reading to him. It began when I started rereading Gail Carson Levine's Ella Enchanted and then fell into the Night World books when Alex said "Honey, why don't you read to me on the trip back to school? What about those books you love by whatsherface? Those Night World books." And so it began. I started with Daughters of Darkness because it was my favorite, then backed up and went through them in order. He was hooked.And I thought to myself, I said, "Self, this is a wonderful opportunity to find out what an intelligent college-educated man with good taste thinks of a mostly female-dominated reading selection." So while we wait for Strange Fate to come out, let's find out what a guy thinks about LJ Smith's Night World series.

Q: Which Night World character is your favorite and why?

A: I would have to say that my favorite character is Rashel the Cat. She doesn't suffer from the "I'm a girl, I can't do anything" syndrome, nor is she caught by that whole "I've made a pact with someone so I can't be violent" thing. She was made a victim, and unlike so many others, she did something about it. She is a master at burying her feelings, which, while not exactly a great thing for a person to do, gives her character depth that I can relate to. If it weren't for the soulmate principle, she would have taken out Quinn (a close second for favorite character, and in my opinion the coolest vampire), and that is saying something.

Q: Which book is your favorite and why?

A: The Chosen. See above. Stuff happens, and Rashel beats people up. I guess I'm too much a guy to pass up what seems to be the most action-packed of the series (at least as far as I have read). I really like how quickly it moves, even though that meant the end came faster. The best aspect, however, was that the characters were really memorable. This book has great action, plot, characters, and mood: the total package.

Q: What is your take on James and Poppy?

A: When I think of James, I can't help but picture him as a Greaser from S. E. Hinton's The Outsiders. I like James. He's very straightforward. And if he is a Greaser, Poppy is definitely a Soc. Even though Poppy is overly social, I have to give her respect for being the only main character to actually go through with making the change. They are an obvious match, her wanting to live life on the wild side (and more importantly, just continue living) and his caring for her for as long as they have known one another.

Q: Mary-Lynnette and Ash?

A: I like Mary-Lynnette. She is distinguished by the fact that she is just a normal, nerdy girl with no reason to be brave, but she is anyway. She isn't part of the superhuman Night World, nor is she trained in martial arts. She's just plain, and I like that, because she really rises to the occasion. Ash is laidback, easygoing, is constantly compared to a big cat, and yet has a core of steel: I can't help but love him. I also appreciated the fact that Mary-Lynnette and Ash weren't an evident pair, but learned to like one another slowly.

Q: Thea and Eric? And Blaise?

A: One of the coolest aspects of Spellbinder is the bond between Thea and Blaise, and their unique relationship. Thea is your typical do-gooder, so I naturally warmed to her quickly. On the whole, Eric is kind of a flat character. He's happy, nice, athletic, and an animal lover: a great guy for Thea, but in the end they make kind of a boring couple.

At first, I thought that Blaise was a typical villian. She made a really good villian, and until after finishing the book, I hated Blaise. On retrospect, however, I find Blaise to be the deepest character, and while I wouldn't want to spend time with her or be her friend (or next victim), she turned out to be my favorite character in this book. Despite my first impression, she's not totally evil; she's just from a different world.

Q: Rashel and Quinn?

A: See above for Rashel. Quinn is a great character. His is a name that strikes fear in even the most confident and powerful of the Night World, yet he is not overconfident or a braggart; instead, we find someone who is a loner, introspective and thoughtful. He is not the "bad-boy" type. He doesn't need to be. I think that he and Rashel make a great match. After all, only the best for Rashel.

Q: Hannah and Thierry? And Maya?

A: No matter what else, you have to pity Hannah. I mean, she is the ultimate victim, being lied to, toyed with, and killed repeatedly by Maya. Honestly, I was a bit surprised that she was able to kill Maya at the end -- I didn't think she had it in her. But I suppose that statistically she was due to kill Maya anyway, even if by accident. You can't help but like Hannah, though. She's just too kind, caring, and compassionate not to. Thierry makes the perfect soulmate for her, and after thousands of years of dedication, he has proven that. He is the model of integrity, keeping his promise for as long as he's lived -- and that's a very, very long time. If Thierry would let himself kill stuff, he would be my favorite of the vampires.

Maya is the ultimate evil. She is THE vampire, and boy did she ever hold on to that fact. Pure evil is not a whimsical madman trying to dominate the world, like so many movies would have us believe; no, pure evil is Maya: living only to ruin others, to selfishly place herself above someone she once cared about, to devote thousands of years to ruining Hannah's and Thierry's relationship. She is one of the best villains I have encountered in any story, not only in the Night World books.

Q: Jez and Morgead?

A: I like Jez for the most part, but to me she seems a little too headstrong, a little too obstinate. She's definitely hardcore (i.e. jumping off of a building), and her being a wild power is cool, but I still maintain that Rashel could take her in a fair fight ;) Jez is the fiery-type of redhead that I am so very glad my wife is not, but I still like her character. I hope to see more of her later. I think I would like Morgead a lot more if it weren't for his picture on the cover of the book, which I wish I hadn't seen. His head looks like a potato, and I can't not see it when I read or hear his name. Plus, he is an embittered despiser of humanity that I didn't like a whole lot until Jez converted him.

Q: Would you like to give a shout out to any other NW characters?

A: I'd like to give a quick shout-out to Poppy's brother, quite possibly the most annoying support character in the history of literature. Also, to the sisters in Daughters of Darkness: you were the real main characters. Forget Mary-What's-Her-Face. You girls rock!

Querying

2009-11-19T12:00:00.001-06:00

It has begun.

Dun dun DUNNNN!

*cower*

Frostbite Synopsis

2009-11-12T22:55:00.008-06:00

Finished the synopsis. It was 4 pages single-spaced and I had to cut it to 2 double-spaced, so I printed it, sighed at it, flipped it over, and wrote the new version on the back without even looking at my first version.

Turned out really well. It's not even 2 pages and still incorporated all the major plot points. (Alex said the first two paragraphs in particular were brilliant, which makes me happy.)

Now to finish my bio by Sunday and I'll be set to pop queries into the mail (snail and e) on Monday. I already marked all YA agents in the 2010 guide, so that's also settled.

I'm a lot less nervous now that my synopsis is in good shape. It was making me tense.

Cross your fingers for me! I've done my part to the best of my ability and the rest is in whether or not an agent takes a shine to my work. So pray that someone will actually like my idea. Not just in general but enough to champion it.

*nerves*

Smackdown on Debt Collectors

2009-11-09T20:12:00.036-06:00

I got a $3000+ debt collection letter for Macys. I've never shopped at Macys, much less opened an account there.

It was for a woman with a different middle initial than me. I wasn't even sure it was a real letter, so I called their 800 number, told them they made a mistake, and they insisted I give my last 4 social security digits to prove it. I said no. I kept saying no. I said no more than I've ever said no in my life. I gave them the account code on the letter they sent me, but nothing else.

I was really quite brusque with them. My mom would have been proud.

They said they couldn't take my address off the file without the last four digits of my social, so I said I'd look into it and finished the call.

I went straight to Google.

The third link for NCO Financial Systems, Inc. is how they have illegal and harassing debt collection practices (though they are a real debt collection agency). Alex went back over the letter and said they require the debt to be disputed in writing within 30 days.

So I wrote the following:

November 9, 2009

I’m giving notice under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act that I have received a collection notice for an account that is not mine and demand that I am not contacted again about this matter. I officially dispute the validity of this debt as it pertains to me.

The letter was to Eliabeth F ______ (spelling preserved – no “z” in Eliabeth) and I am Elizabeth A ______. The account in question is for Macys, ######, creditor’s account #######. The balance is $3353.57. (Information is from the letter I was sent.)

I called to dispute the letter this afternoon and was informed that no action could be taken to remove my information from the system unless I gave the last 4 digits of my social security number. I refused on the grounds that I do not recognize this collection agency or account and will not give any personal information to an unknown entity, no matter how insignificant the information may seem.

If this matter persists, I will consult an attorney to protect my credit standing and rights.

[signature]
Elizabeth A ______

The most insulting part is that they think I'm a woman who misspelled her own name on a credit card application. *facepalm*

I got a smidge of coaching from this debt letter site and reassurance from this googled Q&A that they can't legally hold me responsible for another person's account, but the article about their ruthlessness made me think an aggressive stance was best.

In fact, I'm going to get delivery confirmation on my cease and desist letter -- Alex is taking me to the post office tomorrow just for that purpose. I also took photographs of my cease and desist letter alongside the debt collection letter and stamped envelope. I then printed a copy of the cease and desist for my files.

I then went to check my credit report and printed that too (it's even dated at the top). A Macys card is not listed on any of my 3 credit reports, so I'm 99% positive they don't have my social security number attached to this other woman's account. But I'm sure the problem would get worse if I didn't do anything because their letter said "this office will assume the debt is valid" if not disputed "within 30 days after receiving this notice."

Why all the proof and printing and delivery confirmation?

If they end up ruining my credit report on this, I'm legally entitled to sue for damages. And I want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that I sent the required cease and desist.

My credit report is perfect, by the way, because I'm an obsessive shredder but also because I don't just toss this kind of thing in the trash and forget about it. I take care of it immediately.

How to Check Your Credit Report

Go to AnnualCreditReport.com, create a login.

AnnualCreditReport gives you access through one login to the 3 major credit reporting agencies. By law, these agencies must provide individuals with free access to their own credit report once a year. AnnualCreditReport is the only resource recommended by the Federal Trade Commission. Do NOT use a site like FreeCreditReport, which is not free and signs you up for a $14/month credit monitoring service.

One thing you want to watch for is that the credit reporting agencies will offer you colorful "pay this amount, get this extra bonus" alongside the less eye-catching "No thanks, just give me the free report." You really don't need the pay stuff, just get your free report, print it, and make sure everything listed is an account you actually opened.

If something is incorrect, they have information on who to contact to begin to get it straightened out. Just look in their links for reporting fraud or inconsistencies.

Home Security

Also, the best place to keep your identification papers (anything with your social security number on it, birth certificates, lease, tax forms, etc) is in a safe that can be bolted to the floor. Stick it in a closet and put down metallic roots (i.e. screws), then keep your papers in there so even if your house does get (God forbid) robbed, they won't steal your identity along with your stuff. Just don't use your birthday or anniversary for a numerical code because it's the easiest thing for anyone to guess.

Book safes are pretty well-known and therefore not the safest route to hide valuables (according to one episode of It Takes a Thief). Robbers often look in the back of closets and drawers for lockboxes and sensitive items first, because that's where most people hide jewelry, guns, and important papers. That's why boltable safes are best -- something they can't carry is something they're not going to spend time taking.

If you can't afford a nice solid safe, an outlet safe is actually pretty successful, though its space is limited and it does need some minor installation.

The most effective deterrent is a home security system -- it's too much hassle for intruders -- and that extends to just having a security system sign in your yard (even if you don't have the system itself).

The second best deterrent is having doors that can't be kicked in (like a good cooking pan, if you hit someone on the head with it and there's a question about whether it or the head will dent, it's not a good item) and windows that can't be shattered. And, of course, keeping everything locked. (A friend got robbed twice because his back door sucked. I told him to get a better back door, but he got a dog instead, even after I told him that dogs are bred to be friendly and don't bother intruders for the most part -- that the guys in It Takes a Thief get by dogs with a treat from their pocket. But he ignored me. *sigh*)

As for me, I'll have a security system one day when we have our own home. A silent alarm (noise is yicky) and maaaaaybe one of those awesome motion-sensor things that takes a photo of anyone at your door (catch vandals!), but that's just because the photo thing is sooooo cool.

Update Nov 10, 2009

How to Fight Back
NCO Horror Stories
NCO Phone Number Listing

It seems that all they have incorrect is my address on the other woman's account. Their main mode of harassment seems to be by phone and I haven't received any calls (wonder if that will change after my calling them?) and my credit report shows no unexpected activity.

Street Performers

2009-11-06T16:00:00.000-06:00

One of my husband's favorite stories is the one where world-renowned violinist Joshua Bell played some of the most magnificent music in history incognito as a street performer in a subway station and very few people paid attention to him.

It made me remember this one encounter when I lived in London for a semester. We were on a class trip, so I couldn't pause, but we had to descend a long crowded escalator. It slowed us down long enough for me to notice the woman singing at the bottom. Opera, I think.

We were halfway down when she hit that one note that makes my heart flutter in my chest -- the high one that usually comes at the very end of an ascending line, on the peak of a crescendo. She held it a moment and continued, leaving me breathless, and it took one extra heartbeat for me to reach for my purse.

I had a handful of coins by the time we reached her and detoured from my group to drop them in her case. I smiled. I didn't want to interrupt, but I wanted her to know she'd made me happy.

She bowed and took the instant between notes to say thank you.It was very seamless, very quick, but I remember it fondly. I've always wanted to do something for artists who hit that note, but that was the first time I'd had the chance.

Mostly I've fluttered at movies, such as the high point of Moulin Rouge's Roxanne and two songs from Hunchback of Notre Dame. Hunchback's intro song, about the bells, gets me every time -- I'm enamored of Clopin because of it. The other is Esmerelda's prayer -- it made me flutter the first time I heard it, though I became disenchanted with it later because the Christian community kept harping on it as a lesson and I get sick of things when I hear too much about them. Little joys like that are supposed to be rare and private, you know?

I just thought I'd share about the street performer because it's a happy memory and Alex's link to Joshua Bell made me think of it.

Guides for Query + Friends

2009-10-27T12:42:00.003-05:00

Query

Definition: The 1-page single-spaced letter that makes the agent go "Ooo! I want more!" Think of it as a persuasive note.

Miss Snark
charlottedillon.com (includes list to other sources)
writing-world.com

Synopsis

Definition: The summary of your complete book, condensed into only a few pages.

Miss Snark
charlottedillon.com (includes list to other sources)
writing-world.com

Outline

Definition: Listing of all your plot points in order.

Cover Letter

Definition: The letter that accompanies the pages of your manuscript or partial.

Bio

Definition: Your writing experience and interesting (relevant) facts. Similar to a resume but not quite. This is where agents decide what about you is marketable.

What Not To Do

2000-Something Guide to Literary Agents

2009-10-26T22:17:00.001-05:00

The 2010 version is a reference book in the library, so I took home the 2009 and will double-check the agents against the 2010 later (to make sure Ms. Annie Agent wasn't replaced with Mr. Matt Man, which might prove awkward).

For now, I'm just information gathering.For example, half of the agencies want an outline, synopsis, sample chapters, and/or a bio with your query letter. . . . *boggle* . . . I think I'll start with the simple query-only agents first while I put together what the others need.

My bio will be a sad, soggy affair. I did, however, mock something up for the site that I can adapt, and I found that FictionAddiction.net at least gives me a starting point. I'll want to look up other resources to see if they agree or disagree with the how-to, but I'm research girl so it shouldn't be too hard.

Research and facts help me avoid the sheer terror of thinking about rejection. >_> I know it's mostly "This isn't something we can sell" and "This isn't right for me, but it might be right for someone else" but some of these agents seem really nice. And I'm desperate for a nice one, if I get one at all, so I think I'll be sadder when the obviously nice ones reject me than the intimidating ones.

Like the one who says "Many of my clients have come to me from big agencies, where they felt overlooked or ignored. I communicate freely with my clients and offer a lot of career advice, suggestions for revising manuscripts, etc."

It's the sentiment I like -- that she's willing to let you work in a comfortable, encouraging space. I think a big agency could offer the same, if you got the right agent, and I'm willing to jump through the hoops that big agencies want, but in the end I just want someone I fit with professionally.

As for whether or not I'll get an agent? I feel that my work will speak for itself. If it doesn't get published this round, I'll suck it up and keep trying to improve my query (and all its friends) until I hook somebody or run out of options.

No reason to think Frosty will never get published if it doesn't now. One woman warned me how it took her 10 years to publish her nonfiction book and how I shouldn't get my hopes up and, oh right, that was a super-annoying cynical rant from a pessimist. If Frosty doesn't make it now, I'll set it aside and work on other projects for a few years. Disappointing, but it's not the only publication aspiration I'll ever have -- I may be a head-in-the-clouds dreamer, but I'm also a pragmatic optimist.

*strike pose* So look out, agents! I'll be sending you a really sparse author bio soon! . . . I mean . . . oh, poo. You know what I mean.

Super-Nitpicky Editing of Frostbite Done

2009-10-25T12:45:00.003-05:00

There's the writing of the manuscript.

Then there's revising it by replacing scenes that don't work.

You can usually combine some general editing into the major revision process.

Then there's the final scour-every-word editing bonanza where even stuff like "a" and "the" are questioned for legitimacy in their sentences.

Yeah, that's what I just finished.

Now to hit up the local library for their 2010 Guide to Literary Agents and start my query letters. Wish me luck.

Water Park

2009-10-22T09:34:00.012-05:00

I didn't even know why I was mad.

I was twelve, in my Sunday-morning Bible class, and Mike the youth minister had just passed along a new rule from his bosses -- Ed and the super-conservative rich members who held him (and thus everyone) by the shorthairs.

"You have to wear shorts and a t-shirt over your swimsuits to the water park next weekend."

I don't know if they meant for us to just wear it on the bus or wear it into the water. Strictly speaking, I hadn't thought about what I'd wear except for a t-shirt over my swimsuit, which I always wore when I swam -- yes, when. I wore t-shirts into the water. Not because I was super-modest -- I still had no clue what a girl's body could do to boys -- but because I was super-shy. T-shirts helped me hide.

It was the fact that I already went so far to hide myself that I got ticked off.

As an adult, I recognize the pragmatism of the rule. Most adults accept that kids have to have rules. In places with large groups of kids, like school, you make rules for the weakest links in the chain and those who wouldn't have been a problem have to suffer along, nothing personal. It's just how things are.

Part of my anger was that I assumed I'd have to wear my jean shorts into the pool and that was just insulting. A t-shirt was plenty, thanks. Later I figured they might have meant just on the bus, and my swimming t-shirt gimmick would still have marked me out as a huge freak, but it didn't change how upset I was. When I told my mom I didn't want to wear jean shorts, she offered to buy me a different kind. I said no. Really, what would it change? I didn't want to go -- I wasn't an immodest kid and their rule treated me like one. Maybe it even bugged me that they'd think I was doing it because of them when I wanted to do it for me, and that makes a huge difference.

I couldn't decide why I hated it so much, still can't figure it out. It just . . . chafed. Like wet jean shorts.

After the day for the trip passed, my mom said that Shea had worn a cute backless top and I could have done something like that. My immediate thought was "I'm not a whore."

I said nothing, but my mom must have correctly interpreted the look I gave her because she stopped talking about it.

I didn't take the thought back. I kind of liked how mean it was -- I'd had so few really vicious thoughts, it was a relief to be mad at Shea instead of pining over our lost friendship. Of course I knew she wasn't a whore and the thought was unfair, but I was glad I'd said it, if only to myself. I still take it out sometimes and turn it over with wry appreciation as the moment I stood up for myself and stopped trying to get her back.

That made the whole ordeal worth it.

You Suspected, I Know You Did

2009-10-21T03:16:00.014-05:00

I didn't hate you. I hated the sight of you.

You were the English department's golden boy, and that's fine, I have no problem with golden boys -- I had a crush on one in high school, so that wasn't the issue at all.

It was because you reminded me of them. The two writing teachers, R & G, from NOCCA. The elitist pretentious bastards who broke my heart. They subtly -- so subtly I didn't know they were doing it at the time -- belittled my dreams. They judged me as a self-righteous psycho religious nut who couldn't stand anything secular or creative, and everything they said to me smacked of that judgment. Worst, they tried to manipulate me by saying my classmates -- classmates I fit in with without even trying for the first time in my life -- weren't happy with my class performance, which was a stark raving lie.

R & G would have loved you. Hell, I think they would have wanted to be you. You were everything they strived for: elite, brilliant, literary. They were stuck teaching nobodies like me. You were too good for them.

Yes, they would have loved you.

And that's why I couldn't stand you.

In college, I thought it was because you were arrogant and cold like they were, but even back then I knew that wasn't fair. You were reserved, like me, and your sister was nice enough -- and, damn it, I can never write people completely off like R & G did. I'd even forgive and forget them if they gave me an honest apology. The idea is sickening, which is why I know I'd forgive them. Half the time, my "telling them off" fantasies are vilely interrupted by them being genuinely penitent and I'm stuck holding a big bag of placated cranky. Very unpleasant.

Tonight, I realized I couldn't stand you because you epitomized everything they wanted in a student.

Thus you reminded me of them. You reminded me of the people who hurt me and confused me and drove me away from friends I loved, inflicting pain that lasted years.

For a long time, you and they were the critical voices in my head, the ones that never let me rest and always had something else nitpicky and degrading (and true) to say about my poor unelite teen stories. Tonight I think maybe I'll let your voice rest, maybe I've abused your memory enough. It's not your fault you're elite and brilliant and literary and they would have loved you.

I've stopped thinking of you as an extension of them, and I think that's progress. It's the best I can do for now.

So . . . I'm sorry about thinking badly of you for so long. You (most likely) didn't deserve it.

Getting There

2009-10-19T18:24:00.006-05:00

Contacted a few friends to help me with a new site layout. I designed one but it needs some fixing. Also, husband has it on his To Do list to help me visually integrate this blog into the site itself.

As for writing, we're mostly settled in the new place (settled, not unpacked), so I'm ready to get back to work soon but I need to dig out the manuscript I was jotting all my final edits on. Can't remember where I put it.

I'm also considering asking my mom for postage stamps for Christmas. Not that I plan to wait that long to send out query letters, but I'll totally need to restock.

Vampire Diaries Episode 3

2009-10-09T08:43:00.007-05:00

I know, I know, I'm talking about this too much and nitpicking way too much fan stuff. This one will be different.

First, I think the show has started to hit its stride with this episode. WOOT! Unfortunately, only three episodes are up on the website so I'm going to have to find them some other way to catch up so I can start watching the show on its regularly scheduled night.

Second, I read a post by a fan who said the show "completely ruined" the books. I think that's taking it a little far. I always expect a bunch of changes with a book-to-screen adaptation, and the question you have to ask (before running off with a "ZOMG, CHANGES=BAD!!") is whether they make the changes work or not. For example, Howl's Moving Castle -- the anime movie and original book were very different but both were of equal quality. The only film adaptation that I really thought slaughtered the original book (as opposed to a more limited "Why did they insert 10 minutes of a random dragon chase?") was Ella Enchanted. I still haven't forgiven Disney for turning that beloved book into a cheesy stupid kid flick.

Third, in all my crazed fanrants, I bemoaned the lack of the character Meredith. And I just found out she WILL be in the series!!! :D She's the calm, witty, rational one, though I'm expecting them to make her some sort of hot vampire hunter. Which, whatever, at least they'll have her. Squee!

Moved

2009-10-06T10:59:00.002-05:00

Our stuff should be at our new place this afternoon, where we shall slog through the cold rain to carry heavy things up a thin flight of stairs.

Once cleaning and unpacking is done, I'll start sending out query letters for Frostbite. I'm thinking about alternate names for it since Frostbite is taken. I have one or two that might work.

Princess Diaries 2 (Movie)

2009-09-19T22:30:00.002-05:00

I loved the first movie, it got me into the books, and then I loved the books.

The major drawback of this sequel is simply that the main love interest of the books and first movie is no longer around. He's been written off, probably because they couldn't get that actor back or maybe because they just didn't see how they could explain the complexity of Michael and Mia's relationship in only two hours. Plus, they left it pretty set-in-stone in the last movie that they were a couple and couples with issues don't really make Disney sequels (well, okay, Mulan, but that was special).

I found a way to enjoy it, though: pretend it's not a sequel.

That's it. Just pretend it's a random princess movie using actors you've seen elsewhere. Pretend it has no affiliation to The Princess Diaries and I promise that makes it perfectly enjoyable.

Vampire Diaries TV Pilot

2009-09-18T20:00:00.016-05:00

If you can ignore the really bad special effects and the scenes that are supposed to be serious but actually made me laugh, the pilot is a lot better than I thought it would be. The previews made me nervous, to be honest -- somebody up at the CW was like "Let's showcase the episode's worst parts. That sounds like a great idea!"

I'm expecting a few of the actors to grow into their parts -- or at least the writers to get used to their actors' strengths and weaknesses -- but a few have already blown me away.

I'm tremendously impressed with Vicky. She was a minor character in the books, set up to be an easy victim, but they've really worked on exploring her character in the show and her actress comes across as the most real of all the cast. I'm even glad they made Matt (Elena's pure-hearted ex) Vicky's brother, as it means they'll keep her around as a fixture.

I also like Matt's actor -- he fulfills the role of pining but kind football guy really well. I'm glad they added the introduction to Stefan at the party, too. It was a really defining moment for both characters in the book and I'm pleased to see it in the show, no matter how short.

I approve of Bonnie's actress. Though I'm skeptical of an ethnic gal inheriting powers from Salem witches, I guess it could happen, and they needed a new backstory for her powers since they couldn't use the original (pure Irish druidic heritage). Otherwise, she's cool.

(I still think they should have included Meredith. The Bonnie+Elena+Meredith trio had a vital chemistry in the books that I think even Bonnie's actress can't generate between herself and Elena -- they need a third. And no, that third is not Caroline.)

Lastly, I was pleasantly surprised by Stefan's actor. Yes, he might have a little too much of an Edward vibe, but he pulls it off well and I applaud him. Mr. Actor, I'm sorry I called you pancake-faced. You're a perfectly decent vampire in a long line of heavy-browed brooding vampires. (Yes, I'm referring to Angel.)

Hmmm, final thoughts.

Damon's actor needs to make fewer facial expressions and never ever grin. Damon smiles. He's amused and moody and sly. He doesn't grin. He is too cool to grin.

The special effects are just something we'll have to live with until or unless they get a better budget. I won't bash them because I re-watched Buffy's first episode recently and holy crap the vampire makeup used to be so fake.

Cheesy factor is also something I hope they'll grow out of, though I think most of it springs from the special effects. Someone should really take care of fixing those.

Emo brother is emo, that's fine, but emo Elena is going to get annoying fast. Luckily, she'll soon be busy worrying about murder and mayhem and her new boyfriend.

Cleaning for the Move

2009-09-17T12:35:00.005-05:00

We're leaving in 2 weeks and should be in our new place halfway across the country on October 1st or thereabouts.

In preparation, we've been getting rid of junk and things we don't use, sometimes in the trash and sometimes at Goodwill. We didn't have a chance to do all of this before we moved to NJ, so it's nice to do it now.

I'm particularly happy that I took the time to clean out my email contacts and update my groups. :) I split my contacts into 4 groups:

People I talk to often and regularly.
People I talk to less often but really like.
People I rarely talk to but still want to keep at hand.
People I have no reason to contact ever again except that we have very minor history so I can get away with notifying them when I get published, otherwise I'd just delete them.

Anyone whose name I don't recognize but belongs to a mailing list I'll continue to get (like the one from church) I left in my contacts with a note explaining where they're from. Anyone extra after that (like my aunt's friends when I hit reply-all that once) got deleted.

It's a really nice feeling. I doubt I'll keep everything tidy and updated, but here's hoping, right?

Why You Should Be Glad You Aren’t My Neighbor

2009-09-04T10:47:00.002-05:00

First, there's a kid next door that used to practice pop-goes-the-weasel way too early for us.

Second, there's this phenomenon where, sometimes, when I'm in a dead sleep and Alex comes to bed, I'll open my eyes a sliver and see his black silhouette looming over the bed.

And I'll start screaming.

It happened twice in college. The first time was worst, because I didn't recognize him even when he started talking to me and trying to calm me down. He had to turn on the light so I could see him.

Since college, things have been perfectly quiet . . . until last night.

Once Alex calmed me down (quickly enough), he had this dismayed look on his face and said "I was this close to just sleeping on the couch tonight."

Then, after a long shaky pause: "Take that, pop-goes-the-weasel kid."

New Jersey? We Can’t Go That Way

2009-08-26T22:27:00.010-05:00

I got a New Jersey jury summons.

It requires me to show up two weeks after we move to Minnesota.

I sent back the summons with the excuse "Um... I'm not going to live here by then."

They returned with a snarky note saying "Prove it."

Considering we don't have anything finalized about our move except for the fact that our lease is running out at the end of September, I'm at a loss on the Prove It front.

The worst part isn't their request itself. It's that I'll have only 2 weeks after moving -- one of the top three stressors of anyone's life (I think the first is having kids or dying or something) -- to certify with the state of Minnesota that I live there and get that information back to people half a country away from me, even if my "living there" is just molding in my brother's leaky basement until we find an apartment.

Alex said "It's okay, we'll prove it" and then "I think it would be cool if you had an arrest warrant out for you in New Jersey. It would be like in a movie, where everybody's formulating a plan and you would be like 'Wait, New Jersey? No, we can't go that way. You have to find another route.' "

I almost died laughing.

Backhanded Insult

2009-08-24T14:46:00.017-05:00

"When are you going to write a real book?"

I started to say this was a backhanded insult, but it isn't. It's a very straightforward insult. Anyone who can't tell why should take a good long look at the way they interact with other people, because something is very wrong.

I found it on Patricia C. Wrede's blog, as an example of what some people ask published genre authors. Wrede is a fantasy author and well in my top 6 all-time favorite writers. (She used to be higher, but I found Jane Austen my senior year of high school.)

Her post made me wish to iterate something because I consider it an important subject:
Writers write what they love. It's a job, yes, but you don't put that much effort into something you don't enjoy. The passion you bring to a writing project influences how good you are at it, and readers can tell if you're apathetic about your work.

I'm passionate about the teen girl market. It's what got me reading in the first place, and I still go straight to that section when we visit the store or library.

But for the kind of people who might suggest I write "a real book" instead of my current projects -- I'd rather kill myself with a dull Sharpie than write literary fiction.

I have nothing in particular against literary fiction or the people who honestly enjoy it.

But I don't want to have to read it, and I definitely don't want to write it.

No more than the guy in my writing group in college, the nice one who wanted to write the next Great American Novel, wants to write teen girl fiction. I believe if someone insisted he had to, he'd ask to borrow my suicide-Sharpie.

So why, why why why why why, is it okay for anyone to assume that only one type of writing is credible or makes you a "real" author? Patricia C. Wrede is a legend to me, and the thought anyone would pose her that question leaves me flabbergasted. She enchanted me as a girl -- in the most emotional and non-punny sense of the word.

I lay that on top of a situation I heard about recently, where two men are at each others' throats because one keeps saying offensive and belittling things but refuses to acknowledge he's being insulting, and thus the other one is upset "for no apparent reason."

And I put those "real book" words in the type of person's mouth who won't admit fault, and it just makes my blood boil. Because I honestly couldn't see myself being as polite about it as Wrede has been. I might not yell or challenge anyone to a duel, but I could easily see myself either gaping dumbly or informing the speaker politely that they just insulted me. And then, in my head, the speaker denies it.

And I cry.

You may ask, and I will confirm that yes, I do actually have these little awful scenarios that I play out in my head pretty often. My dad always called them "Thinkmares" because I used to scare myself with daydreams after I went to bed and before I fell asleep. Alex calls it "Thinking" and knows to break out the Ben & Jerry's when I've been doing it. It's very useful for writing, having a powerful imagination, but it can be super-inconvenient, too. ^_^; Like how now I'm imagining the awkward social implications of my informing, say, my grandmother how insulting that sort of phrase is, or a cousin who means well but is flustered or who doesn't have any idea how to make conversation with a female relation (a few of my boy cousins fit that bill). It's easier to imagine telling off some cranky stranger than someone with actual feelings and/or connections to you.

I'm too empathetic here. I know how it can feel when thoughtless remarks just sort of pop out because you have no clue what else to say -- I have, at times, been Queen of the principality of Foot In Mouth.

So what nugget of wisdom can I leave you with?

Do your best not to put your foot in your mouth, and never suggest a writer's work isn't important, either directly or indirectly. It's important to them, and good manners would dictate that you respect their feelings.

Also, when in doubt of subject matter, I've heard the weather is a safe bet.

;)

Mustache

2009-08-22T10:53:00.001-05:00

When in doubt, the answer is yes. It does make you look like a pedophile.

(Does not apply to a mustache-beard or mustache-goatee combo as long as the mustache does not stand out as the more prominent feature. See also: Facial Hair Trustworthiness Chart)

Word To Your Mother: Homework

2009-08-18T11:40:00.012-05:00

I've been tinkering with an idea of how to introduce my mom to the idea of World of Warcraft in a format she, as a non-gamer and email-only computer user, can understand.

I came up with a few things she should watch as homework to bridge the culture gap of Mom and Gamer Kids. You may consider all of the videos optional.

Homework: Learn These Terms

MMO - Massively Multiplayer Online. Like playing against someone on the second console controller in your living room, it's multiplayer but on a massive scale. You can play with hundreds and even thousands of other people at the exact same time (though trying to interact with them all would be inadvisable). Their characters run around and do stuff, controlled by them, as you run around on your character and do stuff. You can talk, group, and even form a large permanent group called a guild.

RPG - Role Playing Game. Used for the game genre where you play as a character to fulfill a role in the game's larger story. The term "role playing" used alone as an action and not a game description often means playacting as your character. Though World of Warcraft is an MMORPG, some players go deeper and role play within the game on specified role playing servers. Most choose not to role play, but whether you role play or not, the game is still considered an RPG.

Avatar - Your Character. The physical representation of you in the game. In older console games, your avatar was usually 2D and limited to certain areas. In MMOs, for the majority, your character is 3D, customizable, and can walk, run, jump, or ride anywhere they can reach in a large world setting.

Own/Pwn - To thoroughly defeat another player. To "own" in general is to be good enough to defeat most if not all other players. "Pwn" is usually reserved for defeating another player so thoroughly that it is humiliating. These words are often bandied about in high-testosterone situations and can be transferred to non-game-related activities such as driving or conversation, as long as someone else is perceived as being defeated.

Noob - An inept player. The exact meaning of a noob is a player who does not know how to play and refuses to learn. The rudest experienced players use it as a derogatory term for new players and anyone who can't keep up with them.

Homework: Watch These Videos

1. A Beginner's Guide to World of Warcraft. Perfectly clean.

2. World of Warcraft Instructional Video. How to start playing the game. Comedic and clean. Follow up with the sequel, City Life.

3. College Saga: Episode 1. This is not an MMO but is a classic RPG. The creators act out what it would be like to be in a single-player RPG set at college. They are very accurate and detailed in reproducing the feel of a real game. This will give you a feel of what non-MMO RPG games are like.

This is 90% clean (it's the worst in the last episode). There are four episodes at ~10 minutes each, but you should get the gist well enough from the first one if you want to stop there.

4. The Guild: Episode 1. A professional comedy produced free for internet consumption by mega-geek-star Felicia Day (the redhead) about a group of addicted gamers who have only met online. The main character begins the episode with a monologue to her webcam about how she's jobless, stuck at home, her therapist "broke up with her," and she has "a gnome warlock in her living room, sleeping on her couch."

The Guild, should you decide to pursue it beyond the first episode, is a great, light intro into gaming vernacular, as it's all about the dysfunctional people behind the characters and never even shows what video game they're playing. Each episode is a bite-sized 4-6 minutes long. There's a bit of language and crude humor, as each person represents a type of gamer and many gamers really are foul-mouthed and/or perverted, but the driving force of the show is simply awkward humor and the main character is a very sweet, soft-spoken, neurotic girl. If you like it okay, I recommend the whole first season (10 episodes).

I also can't help but promote the show's new music video, "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar" -- it's loaded with clever gaming references (for example, "tank and spank" is how you describe a boss that requires no special strategy) and you'll recognize the cast of The Guild in their avatars' clothing.

5. Imapwnu of Azeroth (Pure Pwnage Season 1 Episode 6). Canadian comedy web show filmed as a "documentary" about the filmer's obnoxious gamer brother. This particular episode is how Jeremy, who is used to first-person shooter games, picks up Warcraft to date a girl, and it's his first MMO ever. There's a great song for this episode, and if you just want to see the song it starts at 13:33.

I don't watch the show itself because it's geared more toward guys, but this episode is amusing and instructive if you can overlook a bit of strong language and crude humor. Apologies for those parts. Like I said, it's geared toward guys.

6. Who's The Tank? Now that you understand everything about Warcraft (right?), you might enjoy a comedy reference to something that started in your generation.

A "tank" is the player who keeps the badguys on themselves so they don't attack anyone else. This person receives most of the healer's attention and stays alive by using heavily defensive gear and abilities (like if someone shoots at a real world TANK, it has more defense than an ordinary vehicle).

Photolicious

2009-07-26T13:17:00.002-05:00

Half my friends refuse to take serious photos because they hate how they look.

I have a different way of thinking about it:

You look like yourself in photos. Your friends do not see the weight you didn't know you'd gained. They just see you, their friend, whom they love.
You are your own worst critic. Thinking you look horrible does not mean you do.
If you take a lot of photos, you'll end up with at least one or two you like.
Don't be afraid to get creative and try new things. Sometimes you have to try out a lot of expressions and outfits and backdrops to find what you look best in.
If you know what photos you like best, you can try and recreate your best angle and expression when your friends want to take your picture.

It's particularly easy to practice posing with a digital camera, because they have simple timers you can mess around with by yourself. And you can delete anything you don't like, which is a camera-shy person's favorite word. ^_^

Writer's Block

2009-07-24T15:35:00.003-05:00

I have a bit of writer's block. Not a lot, just a bit. I haven't been working these past few weeks due to worry over our move (picking up house and switching over a few states) and assorted responsibilities (birthdays and bills and new glasses and girl days and housework and appointments).

I finished my Frostbite synopsis while at my parents' in early June, and now I'm just trying to pay our bills on time before I procrastinate us into a lower credit score. ^_^; The synopsis needs a bit of an edit and though I've been telling myself I need some "space" from it to give it a fresh eye, I just can't bring myself to get back to work quite yet.

In good news, SWAC is making my creative wheels turn again. I'm enamored. It's induced the same reaction that other things have in the past: Power Rangers (the Kimberly seasons), Sailor Moon, Ben 10: Alien Force, and even Mighty Ducks 2 (don't ask).

Some bad romance novels make me want to write as a reflex reaction (much like gagging), as does Charmed. I always want to write while Charmed is on. I mean, if its between Charmed and something I'm meh about, I'll default to Charmed because it has this whole train wreck appeal (and a snazzy fashion sense), but it always makes me want to fix it, which makes me want to write, which makes me want to work on my own stuff.

Anyway. Bills now. *picks up stack and pen* You'd think Alex the Math Guy would do our bills, wouldn't you? But no. I do them. Because I enjoy it. And he hates it. Isn't that weird? ^_^ Hee.

Bad Boys

2009-07-19T06:59:00.003-05:00

I had a friend in high school -- nice girl, smart, worried a lot.

She dated this guy (WhatsHisFace) sophomore year who, funny story, hung out with another guy (GirlName) who'd harassed me freshman year. The funny part comes in where we four had PE at the same time and GirlName came up to me while I was reading an English assignment and said "We used to joke around with you, yeah?" all nervous-like. You could see the sweat as he tried to play it off as a joke that we could both laugh at.

I looked at him. I held his gaze without smiling. I looked back at my book and started reading again.

He walked away.

The unfunny part came later, after my friend and WhatsHisFace broke up and she learned he was telling his friends that they'd slept together when they hadn't.

I talked her into asking him to stop. She did, he didn't. I still don't know how good that advice was, but it cemented him as a jerk.

I remembered this situation the other day and came to a careful realization: I never questioned if my friend slept with him or not. She said she didn't, I believed her. I still do.

But if she had, I wouldn't have turned my back on her in a moral huff.

My thoughts went like this:

I imagined going up to WhatsHisFace and trying to defend my friend's honor. In my mind, because he's a jerk, he called her a slut. I did not like this or agree with it, but I didn't have an immediate rebuttal because I'm sort of a moral stickler. (My friends know this. It made another friend afraid to tell me she'd had sex, which ended with us hugging and crying and me fumbling around for reassurances about how it didn't matter to our friendship.)

The more I thought about how to answer his "slut" accusation, the more I thought I couldn't if he insisted on smearing her reputation. Then, and this is where the epiphany came in, I knew there was a rebuttal because, suddenly, his lie didn't even matter.

Mental Me drew herself up to her fullest height (taller than most of those boys, thankyouverymuch) and said this:

"I believe my friend when she says she didn't sleep with you. But it wouldn't matter to me if she had. If she slept with you, it would be because she wanted to express her feelings. That doesn't fit the definition of slut in the least. But you? Even if you're telling the truth, which I don't believe, it still makes you scum. Your friends heckle girls in the hall and you trample their feelings. My reputation is pristine, irreproachable, so I want you to believe me when I tell you: even if my friend slept with you, she's still better than you. She's still a respectable girl. And you're still scum."

I think about this sort of thing a lot, trying to balance my strict moral beliefs with my intense desire to make everyone happy and comfortable. I know that the Bible says Thou Shalt Not Do This and That, but it also says to love and respect people, and I could never see how condemning my friends for having sex (which isn't even immoral to them) could be a loving or respectful way of handling the situation.

I mean, isn't it more loving to stay friends even though you don't like what someone is doing? Jesus hung out with adulteresses and tax collectors and prostitutes. And you don't see him calling anybody names. Albeit, he also converted them. ^_^; But he couldn't have done that if he'd gone around insulting them and treating them like trash.

He treated people like people, and that's what I strive to do. I want my friends to feel safe with me, not afraid. Sometimes the right thing to do can be confusing, or can take a long time to figure out. But I want my friends to know, at the very least, that I won't turn them away for doing something I wouldn't.

Note: My reputation was pristine for a very simple reason -- boys I liked didn't like me back. So I didn't date until college, where I went out with one guy and then married him because he's AWESOME. Therefore, my reputation had no possible way of being smeared in high school.

I Have a Secret

2009-07-18T19:32:00.007-05:00

I like Disney TV shows.

This last week, I've hunted down and lapped up episodes of Sonny With A Chance like a crack addict. I first got exposed to it at my mom's house last month, because she has Disney and I don't (so I gorged). I then took advantage of the episodes on disney.com and (this is where the crack addict comparison comes in) trolled the internet looking for more until I found the whole first season on YouTube and watched it in a single day.

I like SWAC better than Suite Life, Wizards of Waverly Place (although Selena Gomez = cutest girl ever), and even Hannah Montana for one simple reason -- it has a better romance.

SWAC's premise is of "girl joins cast of comedy sketch show" and requires plenty of slapstick and wacky things going wrong for the main character, but I don't think it's over-the-top except where it means to be. A lot of shows like this don't know how to tone it down when it's time to play it straight, but I think Sonny does a great job, particularly during the awkward "I like you but I'm not going to admit it" scenes.

Some might consider SWAC a bit immature, but you have to remember the target audience. (Tweens!) I loved All That when I was younger, as well as I Love Lucy, and it's the same kind of humor: straight comedy when they're working and complicated plans that go awry when they're not.

I also think the girl who plays Sonny has a freshness she brings to the role that another actress might have made cloying and annoying. You just can't help but like her, even if all her teeth are a bit alarming when you first see them.

I may be exposing myself to ridicule with these admissions, but acting your age is overrated. And, if you think about it, I wouldn't be very good at my job if I wasn't passionate about entertainment for this age group. ^-^

A Female Trope That Annoys Me

2009-07-15T11:09:00.001-05:00

I hate "feisty" female characters, particularly the Rebellious Princess. I liked Jasmin (from Aladdin) well enough because her rebellion fueled the story aside from being just a character trait, but the trope of "rich/powerful/beautiful and still disgruntled" smacks too often to me of Cursed With Awesome and/or "Wangsty." I mean, really. Thousands of little girls across the world want to be princesses and these characters have to whine about it?

I guess the big thing that bugs me about the Rebellious Princess is the brashness. I'm not a brash person. I don't like brash people. I just don't. They're loud and pushy and startle me and I find their personalities obnoxious.

Still, American women seem to have embraced the rebellious, brash, feisty woman.

Embraced a little too hard, in fact, like that's the only acceptable female role model anymore. It bugs me because it seems to be a hard pendulum swing away from the modest and demure female archetype society pressed on us in the past. Thus demure became taboo as a role model because it doesn't "empower" young girls.

And yet, by denying more feminine female characters their place, haven't we disempowered young women who are demure by nature? Isn't it equally important to encourage self-respect in young women who don't fit the ideal America has envisioned for them? And isn't one way of empowering these young women giving them their own role models to look up to?

I read (somewhere) that while the tomboy role model (Ranma 1/2's Akane) is popular in Japan, the housewifey role model (Ranma 1/2's Kasumi) is equally popular; yet housewifey characters are hated in the US due to their previous overuse and social implications.

So perhaps my real gripe here is that the role models I've been given aren't easy for me to relate to, or even (as a writer) that an entire character type has been booted from our culture for no other reason than appearances and backlash.

I'm not asking for the old ways back. I just want a greater assortment of strong female role models in our culture without bigotry or prejudice insinuating itself. I spent my youth trying to conform to the available tomboyish role models while secretly pining for pink notebooks and My Little Pony t-shirts. I felt oppressed by the role models given me, like I wasn't allowed to be girly. It took marrying Alex (irony) to feel enough freedom to delve into cute skirts and pink mouse pads. I still Pwn Face with the boys in video games, but I'm not afraid anymore to also collect the game's pretty dresses and cute pets and gush over them.

And that's what I want the girls of today and tomorrow to know: It's okay to be yourself, even if society doesn't approve.

Things That Make Me Happy (and Sad)

2009-07-02T13:21:00.003-05:00

First is Castle, starred by Mal from Firefly (which was somehow better than Buffy and Angel, though canceled early on by an incompetent network).

Castle is funny and awesome and even made me cry. The starring actor is just as good here as he was in Firefly (though the shows themselves don't compare well). It's not really a cop show, it's more like a mystery show. And aside from the main character being funny, he has an adorable teenage daughter. :) They have the best father-daughter chemistry I've seen on TV in a long time. So cute.

The sad part is that there are only 10 episodes so far. (Cry! Sob! Whine!) But you can catch up on the first season with free episodes on ABC's website.The other thing I'm happy but sad about is Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer. It was supposed to be Twilight from Edward's point of view, but a "trusted individual" leaked the unfinished draft and it spread like wildfire. Meyer doesn't have the heart to continue the project and posted her draft officially on her website so fans can read it without feeling guilty.

If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.

Indefinitely means forever. Which is a waste of a good book, if you ask me, and it makes me grumpy at Ms or Mr Leaker.

Meyer knows who did it, and (if I read between the lines correctly) she seems to think they didn't intend this sort of leakage, and I think she's a nicer person than most if she doesn't sue. For a lot. Because that's how much money she's losing out on, as a bestselling author with a companion to a bestselling book that a friend of mine says is actually better than Twilight even in its rough draft stage. She's losing a lot of money.

Perhaps one day she'll take it back up at the urging of fans (and let me add my voice to the chorus that we'll still buy it if she does), but I perfectly understand her current depression and hope she can find comfort in her other projects.

3 Things That Annoy Me In Fiction

2009-06-30T17:47:00.000-05:00

Positive Discrimination

When the Token Minority can do no wrong. […] This trope can usually be averted simply by adding more than one of the given minority; then they can spread the competence around. Failing that, they can try not making it a big deal that the character is X, and maybe no one will care that they’re also depicted as flawed human beings (what a concept!) (source)

I’ve found the pitfalls of this to be especially true in teen girl fiction when the main character has a token gay or ethnic friend. I think it’s great to diversify your characters, but a lot of these characters turn out unrealistic so the author can avoid looking X-ist, which bugs the crap out of me. It ends up being worse for the story than not having a token character at all and sometimes even slides into a heavy-handed political message.

I like the suggestions offered in the article — it really is easier to make a minority flawed if you don’t have just one. I personally prefer “try not making it a big deal that the character is X, and maybe no one will care that they’re also depicted as flawed human beings.” People are people. (Though that doesn’t mean I won’t watch my step when I need to. I just refuse to make anyone perfect to avoid Unfortunate Implications.)

Heavy-Handed Political Messages

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Captain Planet. Nothing wrong with a little in-your-face WIND! and WATER! I sang the theme song at the top of my lungs in the bath as a kid, even though my dad hated the show for being an indoctrination of America’s youth. But, well, I still like Captain Planet, even though I see where my dad was coming from. It makes me nostalgic, and it’s fun to laugh at how hard they try to get everyone not to litter. (I do recycle, and I don’t litter, though this is simply because I think it’s polite to do these things.)

But. Yeah. Stories that plop their own morals on you when you’re just trying to have a good read? Not so fun.

This is why I avoid religion, politics, and sexual orientation for the most part in my writing. I’m not interested in making anything preachy, and it’s hard to have those things without taking a position (or getting Positive Discriminatory because you’re afraid someone will jump down your throat if you don’t), and I just don’t think controversial material is appropriate when you want to settle down and chillax. For books that are intended to be controversial and heavy, fine, that’s what they’re written for. That’s reasonable, and you know going in that you’re getting something with a position. But getting the writer’s views sprung on you in cute little adventures? Sigh, eyeroll, ugh.

Emasculated Men

I’ve been seeing this more and more in books with strong female leads. Not all of them, mind you, but enough to make it a trend. You might say it’s strongest in commercials — Alex and I agree that in any given commercial with a married couple, the woman is all-powerful and the man is a bumbling idiot.

You know it’s true.

It’s probably a form of Positive Discrimination, but I don’t have a problem with female leads being strong — I have a problem with the male lead being weaker because he’s male. I don’t like it when male leads, who are supposed to be equally strong and intelligent (and thus desirable to the female lead), are randomly kidnapped, defeated, or depicted as needing rescue. I might describe this as female writers putting men in the sexist role that women used to play, like inverting Walker Texas Ranger and his girlfriend. I can only presume that this is an attempt to bring women into the strong role that men used to frequent, but the complaint with the old way was . . . it was sexist! And it still is sexist, but now it’s women subjugating the male characters.

I think Meg Cabot has some of the best male leads (in teen girl fiction) to support her strong female protagonists. Her men are strong-willed and powerful in their own right, but their strength is often different from the protagonist’s and (most importantly) they know when to step aside and let the protagonist do her thing: in Code Name Cassandra, Rob accepts the fact that he’s in the way of the protagonist’s plans and removes himself from the situation to allow her freedom to maneuver.

Cabot’s male leads are always smart enough to know when they’re making things harder for the protagonist. They don’t insist on being pig-headed overbearing jerks who argue fruitlessly for ten pages until the woman outwits them.

My favorite books have strong men who can and even do help the female protagonist. These men don’t get knocked down a few rungs on the Ladder of Awesome so the girl looks better. Equality and mutual respect are vital to any good relationship — real or fake — so it matters to me that I’m able to respect my male characters at the end of the story, whether or not they get to help save the day.

Conclusion and Inspiration

There are other things that annoy me, of course. But these are the big ones for today, inspired by a few library books. I enjoyed Need (which had some pleasing moral ambiguity and a great system for chapter titles) but am chafing with Evermore (at page 104, still no realistic reason why the male lead noticed the female protagonist and I’m beginning to think it’s a story full of personal wish fulfillment).

Evermore is the reason for my current frustration with positive discrimination — I’m so sick of the main character being on the “uncool fringe” of high school and the popular girls are all mean and bigoted and the only people who talk to her are the stereotypical uncool kids (here, a goth girl and gay guy) who are great people but totally misunderstood, just like the main character.

If you want to delve into being hated by the popular people while still being completely realistic and engaging and awesome, watch Veronica Mars. That’s all I have to say about it.

Politics

2009-06-16T19:00:00.008-05:00

"Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's" (Matthew 22:21)

There were a few things I wanted in a husband. I wanted a Christian with sensible beliefs, kindness, intelligence, work ethic, and sensitivity. He had to be able to withstand gamma levels of weirdness . . . and he had to be apathetic about politics.

I've heard people say things like how not voting means you don't deserve to be an American and offends everyone who made this country free, but the reality of my (our) choice is simply this: politics turn otherwise sensible people against each other, and I don't want any part of that unless I can articulate my choices. Everyone has a political bias, everyone gives only their personal viewpoint, and I have neither the time nor motivation to sort through all the misinformation, through every news report on every station and in every newspaper to differentiate opinion from truth.

My father is republican, my husband's friends are almost all democrat. Alex's college roommate even grew up in France and shakes his head at America's bemusing political rabidity -- he told Alex that, in France, you have parties with truly radical differences run against each other for office (like libertarian and communist). From his perspective, republican/democrat is practically the same party.

Still, you vote for the guy (or gal) who will make your life easier. Your causes, your ideologies, your economic status -- you vote for the person who seems to agree with you on the things you care about.

I may inform myself on local politics one day when we stop moving, because your vote is stronger in local politics and making a bad choice locally can be as destructive (to you) as making a bad choice on the national scale. But at the end of the day, it's more important to me to make my own choice based on thorough research than to cast a vote just so I can say I voted, or to please someone I care about.

I'll ask you a few questions to wrap this up. You might be able to guess where I stand, but my opinion isn't important here. Yours is. Please feel free to respond to these in the comments section, because every teacher I've ever had says that thinking critically is good.

1. Can you consider a leader good at his/her job even if you don't agree with their background or ideals?

2. Is it possible that someone can be a good leader even if they don't do things they way you want?

3. Is the leader you want most always the leader a country needs most?

Romance as Humor

2009-06-14T23:48:00.004-05:00

I found a list on Julia Quinn's message board of the top 50 romance novels of all time and decided to give a few a try. I figured they'd have an exceptional plot and terrific character development, since they're considered top 50 of all time by a forum of women who like one of my current favorite writers.

I had a great time with the recommended books, but it wasn't due to anything I'd expected. It was the moments I went to our home office with book in hand, laughing.

Not with the book.

At it.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I'm one of those women.

I make ruthless fun of romance novels.

Julia Quinn is different -- she's genuinely funny and her characters are both realistic and quirky. The only complaints I have aren't that big, considering she makes me laugh:

Her books tend to be split into two parts, the part before the wedding where people fall in love and the part after where they have unexpected problems. Though the problems are genuine and interesting and change from book to book, I've found the result to be a little formulaic.
Her main characters tend to have the same values. Though this is to be expected in a series about 7 siblings, and even among people in the same social situation and time period, it's unrealistic for everyone to think the same way about too many things. I think this is a problem with romance as a genre more than anything. I suspect that main characters from book to book have to get along, that it's just the way romance functions, and I understand even if I don't love it.

I've read enough romance to know that main characters by a single author will predominantly have the same values. The plot changes, the names change, the outer shell changes, the jobs and backgrounds change, but the core of the characters always reflects the values romance approves of -- protect the weak, figure out that love is awesome, and get along with other people who agree.

It's a problem in fanfiction, too. (Don't laugh. I like anime, okay?) Fans like to make their favorite characters BFFs even if they aren't and never would be. But fanfiction also leans toward stereotyping. Not all of it, but the vast majority, so I guess asking for nuance is a little silly.

My reaction to this phenomenon as a writer is to try and diversify my characters. I don't want cookie-cutter values, I want a big roiling mess of feelings and opinions and prejudice. I want main characters in one book to hate the main characters in another book. I want different backgrounds, different races, different interests. (Not so confident on multiracial -- I enjoy the thought, but I've only experienced the one.) But I'll still do my best on all counts. All you can do is try, right?

Important Lessons on Story-Making

2009-06-14T16:01:00.001-05:00

This won't be a long post, but it will reference two articles that I found useful.

First, Mystery Man summarizes the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" story conference between Spielberg, Lucas, and Kasdan, and one of the most surprising nuggets he finds is this:

What happens in the past, off screen, good or bad, does not affect sympathy. It’s what we see the character do in the present that determines how much we will or will not care about that character.

He got this from how the men tossed around the idea of Marion being as young as 11 when she seduces Indy (as part of their shared background). They settle on 15 and only give a hint of the relationship (and the age discrepancy) in the movie:

M: "I was a child! I was in love."
IJ: "You knew what you were doing."
M: "It was wrong. You knew it."

So, what a character does before the story starts, no matter how reprehensible, does not affect how the audience reacts to the character. What the audience (or reader) experiences with the character is all that matters.

Moving to my next post of interest (the first one was short, huh?), the blogger Limyaael puts fantasy cliche into very simple light: too much black and white, and the story becomes boring. "There is no beautiful evil, no perilous sidhe, no hero who does not triumph." Too much beauty bugs me. I'm not particularly interested in writing ugly characters, simply because readers don't like ugly, but I am interested in characters who can be described as "interesting" instead of beautiful. When I write a beautiful character, I want them to be honestly above average. Which means above average when compared to my other characters, not just compared to the people you see in the supermarket.

I blush when Limyaael mentions modern folk getting sucked into fantasy realms. My first book (unpublished and staying that way in its current form) is "modern girl gets thrown into fantasy world!" A few months ago, I dug it out and nodded over it, then put it down and went to talk to my husband.

I said, "Honey, I like my fantasy story, but it needs some rewrite. For one thing, it doesn't have enough conflict. Characters have struggles, but you don't really feel them the way you could. But more than that . . . the whole modern day character origins gives nothing to the story. I think I'm going to take it out."

And he tilted his head to the side and said, "Yeah, I can see that."

Since then, I've been tinkering in my head with the world in question, the countries and the rulers, the cultures and conflicts. It's a much more traditional sword and sorcery world than my current project, though my aspiration for it is to be more Sherwood Smith than Tolkien-ripoff.

I really enjoy testing my old plot in the new frame I've been working on, since the original story is solid. It just needs more punch here and finer execution there. But it was the first good story I finished. Not publishable, but very readable.

Limyaael is popular enough that her articles on writing have been catalogued at TV Tropes, a terrific resource for recognizing common plot devices -- and deciding if your device is a little too outdated. I particularly like their Evil Overlord List. I hope one day to make an intelligent evil overlord who follows all of those simple rules.

Maybe he'll even win.

My NOCCA writing teacher, Ms. Gisleson, once read me the riot act on how fantasy is cliche, how its based on a foundation of cliche, how I shouldn't turn it in for her class, yadda yadda yadda. The general theme was "You can't write good fantasy unless you're Tolkien." (Yes, she totally brought up good ol' JRR.) I guess, in her defense, what she said was more like "Good fantasy is out there, like Tolkien, but it's rare." Which implied I probably couldn't write any.

Once I left that class and got properly mad, it made me want to prove her the hell wrong. Which means generating new ideas, interesting characters, and a world full of common complexity, where the heroine doesn't win in a wild burst of magic she never knew she could wield until she got really really upset and a supporting cast that doesn't automatically love her due to her beauty/prowess/power/awesomeitude.

And that's what Limyaael's rants/essays are about, so anyone interested in writing fantasy should browse through them. She makes good, practical suggestions on how to freshen your fantasy plot.

Dang and Other Four-Letter Words

2009-05-28T12:31:00.008-05:00

In the Christian community, opinions on cursing range from watchdog to apathetic. This will be an apologetics post targeted to the watchdogs.

In the writing community, opinions on curse words are subjective. The big question for writers: Does the word work? Words themselves are tools to express ideas and have no moral tint beyond what humans give them. The greatest writing sin is, in fact, forcing a word into a place it doesn't belong. The word itself does not matter. The flow matters. The art matters.

The Bible tells believers to be careful about what we let come out of our mouths, that our words reflect our hearts. I've struggled over the appropriateness of using cursing in my writing. I don't curse in day to day life -- it's not how I was brought up. So my hangup is: if I write it, am I actually saying it?

The gut reaction to that question is "Yes, you are. Writing isn't any different from speaking." And I know quite a few Christians who stop there and use that as a blanket statement to cover any writing, no matter what. In their opinion, there is never an excuse to use curse words in any situation.

I respect that opinion, so I offer my own conclusions with humility, wincing, and a few placating hand motions.

I belong to a group of gamers. They're like family to me. Our group has a language restriction -- if it bothers someone, be respectful and don't say it. This means that they don't curse around my brother or myself because they are nice people. But we also had a conversation or two crop up about the subject, and one thing I realized is that most people in this world do not think twice about cursing. They're raised with it. It's actually a struggle for them to hold back because it's a lifelong habit.

What this realization meant to my writing is this: My characters are not, for the most part, Christians. It's important to me that I have diverse personalities and world views among my characters; thus, many of my characters, like my gamer friends, don't debate the finer points of cursing's ethical implications. Cursing as a morality issue does not exist in their lives.

So my dilemma becomes: Do I bend to the ideal of a perfectly clean world and force my characters to an unnatural angle, or do I let them be themselves? By letting them be true to their background, am I being untrue to my background?

It is common to hear among writers that a character lives. The best characters are not made -- they exist, they take on a life of their own. They do not care what the writer or the reader thinks. They are who they are.

I believe in that principle. Let's call it The Real Principle. In The Real Principle, characters cease to be words on a page and become real people to the writer, and to censor those people too much is to rip the personality (the Real) out of them so that they become puppets.

I have a character who used to be homeless and never for even a moment had a moral influence in his life. For months, his voice ran through my head as I put him in different situations, working out his personality and reactions to this and that. He cursed like a rabid banshee on crack.

So, when I wrote down his scenes, I censored him. To a point. He still used more curse words than any of my other characters -- I let him have the smaller ones, the ones you hear on daytime TV, and I restricted them to only the necessary scenes -- but those words do not exist because I want to shock the reader. They exist because that character is a shocking person and because that is how he expresses himself. That's a major difference to me, the motive behind the words. I don't want to spout filth but it is imperitive, vital, and sacrosanct to me as a writer to show my characters honestly.

I understand those Christians who don't read or watch anything with cursing. My aunt is one, and I love her so I respect that view. But my heart breaks a little when I think I might get called out by those who won't try to understand the ethical difference between writing something down and letting something live.

In my humblest and most placating defense: as an artist, I must let my characters be themselves.

Writer Survival Tips

2009-04-21T14:30:00.015-05:00

Since I started Frostbite, I've dug through writer and agent sites and even some writing books, and I took their advice to heart. Here are the fundamental lessons I learned:

Have reasonable expectations.
Don't be naive.
Stay optimistic.

Reasonable Expectations

Always put in the hard work. It is delusional to expect anyone to ever accept a first draft of your story -- if you have not edited your work before sending it, if you have not bothered to polish your manuscript and query letter, or if you behave in anything less than a professional manner, you are wasting your time looking for a publisher.

Statistically speaking, more publishers will reject you than accept you. Even the authors who get picked up right away with huge paydays struggle to get published again if their second book doesn't do as well. As the demotivator says, "For every winner there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them." Though harsh, it's true. Don't go into this expecting to be a breakout hit. The statistics aren't there just for show.

Expect hard work, failure before success, modest pay, and . . .

Don't Be Naive

. . . always expect someone along the way to try and take advantage of you. For example, never sign a contract that's absurdly skewed in a publisher's favor (like 6 years of exclusive rights to your work). Always have a lawyer look over a contract before signing, preferably one with experience in book contracts, and listen to him. Thinking you know better is just begging for a quick and painful reality check.

Also consider the old adage: If something looks too good to be true, it probably is.

If an agent or publisher reads a snippet of your writing on your website and emails you in raptures wanting to publish you . . . they're fake. Real agents and publishers don't have time to surf the web looking for new writers -- they have desks piled with writers willing to reach out to them and they are very very busy. If they want a new writer, they have a slushpile at their fingertips and no incentive to look online.

Some agents and publishers exist to feed the dreams of new writers in order to take their money. They bargain on cheap promises and empty hope to loosen your cash from your wallet and end up giving you nothing but an inflated sense of worth and a manuscript in the same shape it used to be -- in your hands and unpublished.

Publishing scammers are a particularly cruel sort. Every writer (even me) thinks his or her story is worth reading; scammers will tell you what you want to hear and then make you pay for it. They use your dreams against you.

Stay Optimistic

I've found that writing groups tend to be the worst place for me to keep my optimism up. Some writers just love to share their sense of failure and disillusionment, and I often leave with a critical blow to my own morale.

You will never get published unless you keep trying. You will never keep trying unless you believe your work is worth the effort. Some work isn't worth the effort -- I have two "practice books" sitting around that I'd never try to publish without major overhaul -- but every bit of writing still teaches you something, even if it's not any good. A journey is not a journey if you don't get bruised, so use every step as a learning experience and stay positive. Keep telling yourself "I'll get published if I don't give up."

Always stay confident in yourself, and try to stay philosophical about projects that don't succeed. Non-success is not necessarily failure. Even if I don't find a place for Frostbite, I still know in my heart and my head (and my friends' not-just-being-polite reactions) that it's worth publishing. So I'm willing to be patient. If in a few years I realize it needs more overhaul, that's fine. That's normal. Until then, will I lay down every other project and put all my hopes and dreams into this one book?

Of course not! Eggs in different baskets and all that. Keep working, keep looking ahead, keep your eyes on the goal. Some writers want to be rich and famous, some invest everything in one project and are devastated by every rejection, but I've kept my sights more reasonable: I want to see myself on a bookshelf. If I can get that once, that's my first goal met. After that, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other until it happens again.

Rinse. Repeat. Ad infinitum.

Fantasy, Christians, and Censorship

2009-04-11T15:13:00.000-05:00

So, my dad talked to this girl at his church who heard that writing fantasy isn't appropriate for a Christian. She writes fantasy.

Putting aside my gut reaction of an eyeroll, sigh, and "Oh hell," I decided it was worth a blog post.

Now, I don't want to be one of those people that acts all superior and knowledgeable because they've been writing longer or took more classes, or who looks down on people who aren't writers as bourgeois morons with no sense of art. I feel confident about my abilities but I don't want to (ever) become the kind of arrogant self-important twit who talks down to others. Because of this, I will always take a simple "Stop acting like a jerk" to heart. So in this post, I'm going to lay out all the sides before I state my own viewpoint.

Parental Censorship

I believe in the kind of censorship where a parent keeps unreasonable material out of their kids' hands. I, for one, have no interest in trying to explain rape to a child. Many parents don't want to have to explain things like menstruation before their daughters are ready for it, others want to keep foul words out of the way until their children are old enough to know better. There are benefits to limiting what you and yours see and hear. Stuff like that, cool. Do what you need to do.

Overbearing Censorship

This is the part where I draw the line, the part where people try to impress their own views on what others should watch or read or write on the folks around them. As a Christian, I acknowledge and respect self-censorship -- the censoring of your own input and output -- but it is completely unreasonable to tell others what they can and cannot do.

The Christian Confusion

Fear and Ignorance: The only information some people ever get on fantasy-based pastimes (i.e. D&D, Magic the Gathering) comes from news stories where something bad happens: people taking games to the extreme and getting hurt by it. This can lead to a perception of these games where players get engrossed and lose all reason and perspective. This line of thinking brings fear with it, the fear that anyone can fall prey to whatever it was that made those people lose their reason.

Scripture: Scriptures that denounce the practice of witchcraft and magic should, of course, be taken seriously -- it's always unwise for a Christian to dabble in the occult. As a result of these scriptures, the presence of magic as a theme in fantasy further prejudices some against it. Some people believe (whether they admit it or not) that reading about magic takes the reader only one step away from practicing it. While this does happen on rare occasion, it is (like the kid who played Warcraft without eating or drinking until he died) the exception and not the rule. (To paraphrase a popular WoW news source about the kid who died: most of us aren't that stupid.)

Dislike: Some people just hate fantasy. I read about it in my Children's Lit class, some kids are drawn to fantasy and others hate it. The way to encourage any child's interest is to read it to them and to enjoy doing so. Naturally, if someone can't comprehend why anyone would like fantasy, they'll have even less compunction about discouraging it.

Conclusion: To some people, if you add fear and scripture on top of a deep-seated disdain, they believe that anyone's fondness for fantasy is simply the devil getting his hooks in you and promoting magic. This leads to overbearing censorship "for your own good." This line of thinking is rarer than you might think, but the practioners are very very vocal. They tend to belong to the most conservative lines of thought about Biblical interpretation, and they're more often older Christians.

I understand how people can reach this line of thinking, but it is completely unsound.

Fantasy From This Writer's Perspective

I could list a bunch of Christians who write fantasy and yank C.S. Lewis around a bit to show him off, but to be honest I never read any C.S. Lewis and his books had a religious theme. I don't want to talk about books with a religious theme. I want to talk about fairies and unicorns and gosh-darn elves, all of which have no real purpose other than to bring pleasure to the reader.

I want to talk about reading and writing for pure, slavish, ridiculously self-indulgent fun.

Sometimes, silly people believe you shouldn't have ridiculously self-indulgent fun, or at least that you should have fun doing things they approve of. I disagree. I think this world has enough problems and if you can play a video game or read a book without suffering psychological or physical harm, you deserve to play and read (and write!) without anyone nagging you about it.

It's important to keep perspective. The Bible warns against practicing magic, but it also warns about anything that makes you draw away from God.

Fantasy doesn't hurt your relationship with God.

There, I said it. It doesn't. Not any more than anything else. Any hobby can be dangerous. The key to the danger isn't magic, it's being an idiot. Failing to recognize that you shouldn't hit someone in the head with an axe just because your orc does it, forgetting to eat or sleep for days on end, throwing yourself off a cliff with the idea that you can fly, playing a shooting game in prep to shoot people -- these are not problems with the product, they're problems with the person. Some people love to point and say "That object did it" instead of "That person was completely messed up," but that's wrong.

The truth is that games, guns, books, movies, all of these things can't do anything bad until they fall into hands willing to twist them. Christians, of all people, should know that anything can be twisted if someone tries hard enough. But that's no reason to ban things just because someone might twist them.

It is offensive to those of us who aren't psychotic for anyone to assume we can't handle something as simple as reading or writing about magic. We are not idiots and we are not weaklings who will jump into witchcraft with dazzled eyes the moment we see a character casting a spell.

Responsibility lies in each person's hands to maintain their own equilibrium with the world around them. Some people let that slide so far that they have dire consequences. But for every one who can't balance reality and fiction, there are millions more who can and do. Every day.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

2009-03-29T12:20:00.007-05:00

I recommended this book to a group of friends. My friend Julie then had this experience at a bookstore:

Julie: Umm, do you happen to have a book that’s, like, Pride and Prejudice, but with zombies in it?
Clerk: ………………uh, what?
Julie: Pride and Prejudice, but like, with zombies. I heard someone wrote it.
Clerk: Have you ever read Pride and Prejudice?
Julie: Nope.
Clerk: Do you even know what Pride and Prejudice is!?
Julie: Yeah, isn’t it like, a love story or something?
Clerk: ……… Zombies? …………
Julie: Yeah.
Clerk: I’m fairly certain there were no zombies in Pride and Prejudice.
Julie: No, I heard someone re-wrote the story, but with zombies in it. It’s a new book.
Clerk: And how did you hear about this “new book?”
Julie: The internet. Someone linked it in the forums. You can buy it on Amazon, I swear!
Clerk: ………….I don’t think we have that, but, uh, I could look it up for you.
Julie: Thanks! ^_^
Clerk: *typing in search field* "Pride and Prejudice... *tilts head, incredulous look* …and Zombies.”
Julie: *hums while waiting*
Clerk: Well. “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”
Julie: So I’m not crazy?
Clerk: Apparently not!
Julie: Yay!
Clerk: We don’t have any in stock, but I can order it in for you.
Julie: Sweet!
Clerk: I just need your name/number so I can let you know when it’s in. That’ll be $17.
Julie: M’kay! *pays*
Clerk: Make sure to hold on to your receipt. But… it’s not like you’ll need it. I doubt I’ll forget you. *shaking head in confusion*

Swimming Memory

2009-03-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

I thought about something today from when I was 11, about these two girls at my church in Texas. Shea and Emily. They decided to stop being my friends without telling me.

One time, Shea's mom asked if I wanted to go swimming with them next Sunday and I said yes and Shea gave her mom a "Are you crazy?!" look and her mom did that subtle stern face parents get when you're being rude in public.

The next Sunday, I brought my best friend Becca to church with me.

Shea probably, to this day, thinks it was my way of showing her I didn't care what she thought. Her mom probably thinks that too. But you want to know the lame truth?

I just forgot.

I freely admit I might have repressed it, but school was busy that week and when things are hectic I forget everything I haven't written down. I didn't remember about the swimming until after church when I saw Shea and Emily getting into the same car, and it all came rushing back. I told Becca, but I didn't feel angry or upset, just resigned and relieved that I'd accidentally saved face. I definitely hadn't wanted to go, not if Shea didn't want me there.

I had a good friend in high school who assumed that if most people would be upset about something and you aren't, you're just hiding it.

Like when I got kicked out of our prom limo. My friend dropped out because she couldn't afford it and the other girls flayed into her. So I was too scared to leave and I'd committed myself (my mom's big on not going back on your word), and then they called and said they'd thought I was a package deal with my friend and they had another couple that wouldn't come without a second couple. Long story short, I wanted out anyway and they gave me the perfect opportunity. My friend examined me subtly for days trying to decide if I was hiding my pain.

Honestly? I was glad to get out in a way that didn't make me the bad guy. Suddenly these girls who'd been so furious with my friend were too self-conscious to even look in our direction. It let us both off the hook, and I didn't care if they were right or wrong, rude or polite. It was convenient and I wasn't going to pick at it.

It was like me forgetting about the swimming. I could have been mad, but my main emotion was "Whew, I escaped." And with little to no effort on my part!

Another time, I blogged (entire thing got lost in a server data crash) about a party one of the girls from the limo had. I thought it was a good idea, she hadn't invited me or my friends, so I invited my friends over to my house and blogged about how it could be seen as a competition but wasn't (of course, one of her friends got defensive and left a rude anonymous post). I was annoyed by the poster because I'd been honest and introspective -- I could have been one of those girls who gets offended when she's not invited to things. But I openly admitted I stole her idea because it was a good one and enjoyed myself. A lot of people say "I didn't want to go anyway" in defense to lessen the pain of rejection. When I say it . . . I'm being honest. We weren't friends, so I didn't expect to be included and I didn't mind when I wasn't.

I'd thought about being friends with the girl running the other party once. Then she threw a bag of chips at me, made bitter comments about her ex who was a friend of mine, and . . . just seemed overall grouchy. The thing that influenced me most about her personality was her reaction when another ex accidentally kicked her in the back of the head jumping over bus seats. I'd been two rows behind her and saw his face -- and hers. She insisted he did it on purpose. I knew better. If you think you've hit someone, even if you intend to say it was accidental, you glance back to check. Always. It's reflex. And he didn't. His posture stayed completely relaxed, and he even started chatting casually with someone before her friend told him what he'd done. I watched his face fall, watched her refuse to give him the benefit of the doubt, and saw how she stayed furious with him all day despite his fervent apologies. He practically groveled, but she turned her nose up at him every time.

It was little things like that, over time, that built up to culminate in a great big Don't Care about whether or not I got invited to her party. It might have flattered her ego to let whoever replied to my post accuse me of jealousy, but the unflattering truth is that she could hold nothing to Shea and Emily. Getting kicked out of a prom limo I didn't want to be in, not getting an invitation to a party I would have avoided going to, getting a bag of chips thrown at my knee the very week I started to think we could get to know each other (okay, that did hurt a little), listening to her negativity . . . Shea and Emily were my friends once. Friends who turn on you are a lot more painful than people you don't particularly like being not particularly likable.

Shea and Emily ditched me and another girl in the bathrooms of the mall to hit on the church boys. I didn't remember until my dad mentioned it years later (the youth minister told him), and I have no idea why I forgot. It was a nice day other than that -- the other girl and I just stuck together and got ice cream and window shopped.

I embarrassed myself for Shea and Emily. I ignored other, nicer, girls at church while I tried to get back in their lives. They hurt me, made me confused and self-doubting.

So when I say I want to succeed in my writing and rub it in certain people's faces . . .

My high school friend, the one who assumed things bothered me more than I let on, would probably think I have people she knows on that list, like the girl who kicked me out of the limo and didn't invite me to her party.

I don't. No one from any school I attended is on it except for two NOCCA writing teachers, R & G.

My list is filled with those who made it personal, who fire-branded my soul, who convinced me of who I need to be and who I need to not be. I'm not stupid enough to think they'll even notice my career when it starts, but sometimes for a moment I'll imagine one of them approaching me at a book signing and all the ways I'll tell them off in front of a crowd, shaming them for life.

Shea and Emily top the list. A list of five people. Four are just for me. One is for my dad.

But it's just a dream. It's a reason to try harder and I use it that way. The girls who rejected me, the teachers who hated me, the man who spread lies about my father. To be honest, I think I'd just punch that last one if I ever saw him again. Forget clever words. A fist to the face would be enough.

--------------------------

Extra Note

I think the point I wanted to make about the girl with the other party is that there’s a difference between someone you don’t like and someone you have a problem with. People get the two confused. One is impersonal, a judgment based on outer stimuli, a judgment that can be reversed if outer stimuli become more positive over time. The other is personal, a judgment made on emotion that is difficult or impossible to change. I may have had chances to make it personal and thus have a problem with her, but I’m not that kind of person.

Her friend who posted and made rude comments to me about my thoughts on the parties bothered me. If I knew who they were, I might have had a problem with them after that. And so I part with a final thought: if you insist someone has a problem with you and they don’t, they soon will, so leave well enough alone whether you believe them or not. There’s nothing more pathetic than having to badger someone into hard feelings so you can be right.

Yet Another “Finished” Announcement

2009-03-11T12:44:00.004-05:00

I’m not going to say I’m “done” done — I still want to go over the story and check my wording and grammar one last time (mainly cutting, checking point of view, and fixing overlooked passive voice), but the final battle scene in Frostbite I had determined to change, along with the scenes leading up to it, have all been FINISHED. I’ve been struggling with those scenes for a year now and last night I finally figured out how the fight should go down.

I worked all morning getting everything settled into the text. I’m so happy, everyone gets a virtual cookie.

I think I deserve lunch now. And some real cookies.

Full Time Writer

2009-03-09T21:23:00.000-05:00

One of my biggest insecurities with being a writer is the thought that people outside my work zone (so . . . anyone but my husband and cat) assume that I'm a failure or slowpoke or doddering procrastinating moron.

I'm living what I consider my dream -- no day job, plenty of books and video games, and a husband who supports my goals and tells me he's happy with the way things are and believes in my ability to succeed in time. A husband who shares my mode of working -- heavily productive patches interspersed with slower patches -- and doesn't consider my methods to be drawbacks.

I've asked him multiple times, "Are you sure you don't want me to get a day job? You don't resent my lack of income?" And each time he's shrugged, shifted his mouse, hit a few keys in rapid succession, said "Yeah," and watched the monster he's fighting die. And then I kiss him on top of his head because he's awesome.

And, since this is my dream existence, with my cat and my husband and my writing, I don't insist on creating a problem where one doesn't exist. I don't insist on getting a job if we don't need the extra money or if Alex has no qualms about letting me focus on my writing. I sat him down once and let him know that I'll get a job if we have money problems or if his feelings about my work change, and he nodded as if that seemed sensible and touched my nose so that I said "Ping!" and I went back to playing Warcraft with perfect contentment.

I've come to conclude that the only opinions that matter on this front are mine and Alex's, so I don't know why I cower sometimes at the thought that others might not understand or approve. Disapproval in this realm plays on my insecurities that somehow I should be working faster or harder or smarter. And I get defensive in my head against these imaginary people, and I make all these excuses about how writers are just slow sometimes, that you get published faster if your book is better when you submit it, and, yes, I know I procrastinate, but . . .

Sometimes, I get terrified that someone is going to agree with my worst fears about myself -- that I'm lazy or selfish or . . . wrong. That one day when I'm old, I'll wake up and find that I lived my whole life off of my husband without contributing anything but love to our life together -- that, somehow, I took advantage of him and his faith in me.

That. That is the reason I will not fail. I currently have the most amazing life I can imagine, and I will not for one second take it for granted.

I will not imagine Alex is unhappy when he's not because that would be cruel to both him and myself. I will not give up on a dream he's willing to hand me because that would be ungrateful in the extreme. I will not listen to my own doubts because that would only serve to undermine my confidence in myself and my marriage.

I will not feel guilty for what I have. I will strive to use it to succeed, use these advantages I never expected and do not deserve. God gave me this life. I will not waste it.

Vampire Diaries: The Return: Nightfall

2009-03-07T21:22:00.014-06:00

The Vampire Diaries quartet was one of LJ Smith’s most popular projects among fans, presenting a darkness and sensuality reminiscent of Anne Rice. The sensuality is mainly due to unreformed vampire Damon Salvatore, who tops the fan charts alongside Ash Redfern (from her Night World series) for favorite LJS male.

The Return: Nightfall, the first novel of her new Vampire Diaries trilogy and her first new book since 1997 (Witchlight), picks up a week or two after the first quartet left off and is primarily a story for and about Damon. LJ Smith claims on her website that he’s her favorite character and she’s having fun writing about him.

In the fandom, of which I used to be a semi-active part, Damon is popularly paired with Bonnie, and, though I never cared much about Vampire Diaries shipdom (probably because I first read them out of order) I do indeed hold out hope that the cute little redhead can take his mind off of silly perfect Elena, though I don’t know that she can or will. I want this, though, because I like every character to have someone at the end of the story, and Damon was left out in the cold last time. I also have hope because LJS often delivers on pairing everyone happily up. It’s one of my favorite things about her.

My biggest concern when I read the back of this book was that Stefan was going to pull a New Moon Edward (running away for the girl’s own good) but didn’t have the reader affection to pull it off. Stefan is probably one of LJ Smith’s weakest characters, along with Rob from her Dark Visions trilogy — both guys so good they’re boring, with the added detraction of being cast alongside sexy bad-boy counterparts that the fans gobble up.

Stefan seems to be less of a martyr this time around and I actually found myself liking him, when I didn’t before. For that alone, I’m glad for this new trilogy. I also enjoyed what the author did with Damon and think all of the characters seem to have a little more depth.

As usual, she manages to horrify and disturb without going over too many lines (some parts reminded me of “The Exorcist”). The only overall complaint I’d have is when strange mystical powers are used out of the blue or have more to do with saving the day than the wit or cleverness of the characters. I think it might have had more punch with a little less magic.

Still, mystical powers are kind of the point in a supernatural story, and I’m not about to look a gift book in the mouth after 12 years of waiting. I danced all the way to the register buying this one and I’ll dance all the way to the register for the next.

Another Update

2009-02-22T16:31:00.002-06:00

Well, the video game crack that is The Sims 3 did not ship out last Thursday, and the countdown has shifted to 99 days from now (instead of -3, like it should have been).

So I’ve been Not Editing Frostbite again, but I’ve still been working on the series. I’ve started a new story, but this one is also what I’d like to be the final book in the series, and once I have details worked out for it, I ought to know exactly where I’m going with the overarching plot line.

Ought to. >_>

Got Some Work Done

2009-01-09T13:36:00.001-06:00

I worked on the Frostbite outline over Christmas break and got a reasonable amount done.

We still haven’t unpacked from our trip to visit family, but I decided to ignore the unpacked suitcases and organize my old papers instead. So now the living room is covered in suitcases and papers the cat has jumped in like piles of leaves.

There’s a practical reason I’m paring down my papers — first, I’m looking for some notes I lost. Second, we’re moving within the next year or two and I don’t want to haul boxes of papers along with me.

Other than that, I’m spending a lot of time with the husband racing toward 80 on World of Warcraft.

And I have a cold. >.<

So I’m pretty busy. :)

Twilight Movie

2008-12-15T10:21:00.001-06:00

We’ve seen it twice. I haven’t seen a movie in the theater more than once since Jurassic Park.

I’ve found (from talking to friends) that if you’ve read the books, you go completely insane over it. If you haven’t, you don’t know what the big deal is.

I particularly wanted a lot more of the Cullen family than the movie gives, because they’re a much bigger and more interesting part than the movie is able to show. But there are a lot of specific details in the movie that you can only really appreciate if you’ve read the books, like how Bella doesn’t look at Edward when she has to answer him, and it just feels great to be able to recognize these details and see how close to the book they actually stayed. I found myself watching the Cullens in the background — as often as not, they’re doing something interesting instead of just standing there.

Alex-husband appreciated the music in particular. They really made some great choices.

When it comes out on DVD, we’re getting the BlueRay/Hi-Def version… even though we don’t have anything to play it on.

Stranger to Command and Twilight

2008-11-24T13:07:00.024-06:00

First, I recommend the Twilight books, even though I wasn’t sure I’d like them. They’re more drawn out than I’m used to, but they’re pretty rich and you end up liking all of the characters, which I appreciate (it’s so rare to sympathize with everyone). I’m about to read the fourth and then I’ll go see the movie during the day (when no one else is there). I’m trying to contain my excitement until I’m actually in the theater so I don’t annoy husband-guy with constant squees of delight. (He has enough squees to put up with when the trailer comes on TV or when Sims 3 releases a new screenshot.)

I’m also about to read A Stranger to Command, which has dorky cover art but an amazing main character (get the hardcover and throw away the dust jacket, imo). One of my top 5 favorite books is Crown Duel by Sherwood Smith, following the adventures of unpolished rebel Countess Meliara as she helps take down the evil king and tries to figure out who her friends and allies are. The first half of the book is all action and fighting and struggle. The second half is all court politics. I personally prefer the second half, but both halves include the Marquis of Shevraeth, a reserved young military genius who Meliara sees as her greatest foe. Aaaand he’s my favorite character. ^-^ Really, he’s as much a main character as Mel in Crown Duel. And A Stranger to Command is about his military training.

I was concerned that military training (plus that unfortunate cover art) would be less than fascinating, but then I went to Sherwood Smith’s site and read the fan-requested scenes in Crown Duel from Shevraeth’s point of view (spoilers up the wazoo, so read the book first please) and I realized that he’s even more interesting when Smith is writing from his P.O.V. So now I can’t wait to read A Stranger to Command.

Now look at the doodle I made last year for Crown Duel and wallow in my mild insanity:

Wallow, I tell you!

Finished

2008-09-18T23:01:00.000-05:00

Finished Deathlock yesterday, caught a cold today. Gonna spend the weekend on the couch, eating smores and watching “Last Holiday” with Queen Latifah. I might even muster the energy to go to the library for a wild and crazy browsing extravaganza. (Yes, that’s my idea of a party.)

But seriously, how awesome is fuzzy blanket + fuzzy kitty + fun book + husband willing to wait on you cuz you’re sick? It doesn’t get much better.

Finishing Deathlock

2008-09-16T21:25:00.001-05:00

Back in May, I told you that I’d come to a breakthrough with Deathlock. Well, I’ve been working almost nonstop on that breakthrough for the past three days, and I’m in the home stretch with an outline to get me through.

I hope to send it out soon to my poor beleaguered friends who said once they might be interested in reading something I wrote. And then I’ll whip them like an ancient Egyptian slave driver until they proofread it. Bwaha… ha?

This book is shorter and more streamlined than Frostbite, which makes me wonder if I don’t need to go back and cut things in that story. I still think the story itself is right but it seems to need a snip here, a tuck there. I’m going to get on that when this (FINAL!!!!) version of Deathlock has a nice snazzy “The End” stamped on it.

You do realize this is the fifth full rewrite of Deathlock, and I’ve finally hit the right note. You know that, right? I finally get to stop feeling like a madwoman. *joy*

Blood and Chocolate

2008-07-05T16:02:00.004-05:00

I picked up Silver Kiss by Annette Curtis Klause in middle school, around the same time I picked up the Night World series by LJ Smith. I prefered Smith’s stories, but Klause stuck in my mind due to solid writing and a moment when my brother thought I was silly for being embarrassed at the word “kiss” in the title.

A friend recently suggested Klause to me, and I’d been meaning to catch up on my supernatural teen book obsession — especially because this one agent website ordered writers to keep up with what’s happening in their genre — but I couldn’t remember being wowed by Silver Kiss and wanted to save my free time for writing.

Still, my husband decided we were overdue for a library raid and all the Young Adult books seemed to have been returned that morning because the shelves were glutted. I saw Blood and Chocolate, which hadn’t been in since we moved here, so I sighed, picked it up, and stacked it onto my five others, figuring “I’ve avoided it long enough.”

Since the protagonist is a werewolf with dating issues, and since the title is “blood” and “chocolate” I expected violence (blood) and sex (chocolate). This is part of why I waited so long to read it — I’m not an “intense” sort of girl, and this promised lots of gloopy emotional messiness.

I was pleased, though, because the gloopy emotional messiness was pretty engaging. There’s a lot of making out, nudity, violence, and talk about sex, but the overall premise is solid (a werewolf girl feels like she doesn’t fit in with her disorderly pack, so she takes a shot at making human friends) and I appreciated the ending as rock-solid. I also appreciate Klause as a writer who can make me cheer for characters I didn’t like at first, which I always love in a book.

So I approve. I’d put an age minimum of 16 or 17 on this due to content, but I enjoyed it. Gonna rent the movie — I’m excited to see how they translated the book to film. It should be fun.

Published People…

2008-06-27T23:02:00.005-05:00

…seem to blog about real world events a lot.

I read somebody’s post about a fantasy writers’ convention. It sounded scary, because she said the panel discussions were… I think the word she used was “intense.”

Sounded like I’d end up crying alone in a corner. Because that’s what usually happens when I go to things where I don’t know anybody.

She also said there were lots of smart people there, which I’ve never found to be a good thing — not that I’m not smart, I just don’t usually like people who are branded as “smart” instead of “nice.” Nice is safer. Nice doesn’t compare Nice’s writing to yours and then privately gloat about being awesomer. And Nice tends to prefer talking about cats and funny t-shirts instead of metaphysical poetry and the effect of beauty on cynicism and optimism.

I can follow those conversations. But a few years ago, after I sat through a few in college, I thought “What’s the point?” and just stopped. Now when Smarts get together to talk like Smarts, I ignore them and work on one of my stories in my head instead.

Much more productive.

Progress of Sorts

2008-05-31T10:09:00.001-05:00

I’ve gotten back on track with Frostbite, and I’m able to overview the plot in my head and pick out the parts that still need polishing, which is a huge step forward. It would help if I’d sit down and finish up the revisions I started, but…

I’ve been distracted by a new version of Deathlock. Through all my revisions I’ve had Alternate Story B, a non-fantasy love story, that’s haunted me as a short story I could do with Deathlock’s main characters after Deathlock Proper is published. But Deathlock Proper just wasn’t coming together at all even with four full versions. And it finally hit me — take Alternate Story B and make it Deathlock Proper — by adding the trappings of the fantasy world and the special circumstances of the characters.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense, the more the story came alive in my head. The female lead no longer seemed weak and boring, the action no longer seemed contrived. And, oddly enough, I’ve been more interested in writing Alternate Story B than Deathlock Proper from the beginning, which means now I get to write the story I wanted to all along.

I’m crossing my fingers but not getting my hopes up.

Oh, wait, there they went. They’re up. *sigh*

Shaving

2008-05-16T17:07:00.002-05:00

The first time I ever shaved my legs, I did it dry.

I was in high school, either a freshman or sophomore, and too embarrassed to tell my mom that I thought my legs should be a little less hairy. So I got one of my dad’s orange plastic safety razors from the packet of backups, tucked it neatly into my shorts pocket and took it to my room, where I proceeded to try to shave my legs without water or soap.

Naturally, it hurt, because that’s what happens when you drag a razor across dry hair (it pulls), but it worked reasonably well, and I decided to try and get hold of some shaving creme next time — the guest bathroom had an old, crusty, almost-used canister hanging out that nobody had touched for months, since my mom never throws anything useful away.

Then my dad came in to ask me something, and I shoved the razor under my bed and looked at him with what I hoped was an innocent expression.

He took one look at my face, folded his arms, and demanded to see what I’d just put under the bed.

Horribly embarrassed, I pulled out that silly little orange safety razor and showed it to him. Of all the things a teenager could have hidden under her bed from her father, I doubt that was anywhere on his list, especially since he almost smiled and said, “Oh. Okay.”

A few days later, though I never mentioned the incident to anyone, my mom pulled me aside for some shaving tips.

More Throwing Things Out

2008-05-10T17:53:00.012-05:00

So, after discussing things with Alex and Tanner, I decided that the female lead in Deathlock is lame. She doesn't have any powers, and I think I’ve studied enough of what my favorite writers did wrong to realize when I’m treading dangerous waters with a mismatched couple.

You can’t give a powerful guy a useless girlfriend.

*sigh*

So… Deathlock take five, anyone?

I’m going to take my own advice and start working on the overarching plot of the series. It needs to go somewhere, everyone needs a spot, I definitely need to work out who’s going to do what, and it’ll be clearer if I have a good outline.

>_> Now where are those blank notecards?

Not Enough Plot

2008-05-09T20:51:00.001-05:00

Still pretty tired of dealing with Frostbite but getting close to willing to edit again. Instead, I’ve been working on Deathlock. Basically all of my free time is spent trying to decide where to go with Deathlock and how the story should play out.

Deathlock is on its fourth incarnation, meaning I wrote almost the entire story last year and threw it completely out. Then I started two other versions, hated them, and started this version, which I might not hate. I think I’ve finally found a few things in the story worth keeping, but I need to settle plot details and… they just aren’t settling at the moment.

I need to do more prep work before actually starting to write. >_> I always get caught by not having enough plot to go with my characters, and I have to go back and do the prep work I should have done in the first place.

I have no idea how I managed to finish Frostbite without it looking like a trained monkey just banged his head on my keyboard.

Job Description: Housewife

2008-03-27T17:40:00.001-05:00

"Alex, when we move, can I just tell people I'm a housewife?"

"Yeah, sure."

Of course, I'd be a lousy housewife. I sort of am a housewife, but I know I do a bad job -- I'm too lazy.

It's awesome, though, because Alex says that I'd stress him out if I wasn't a little lazy, if I was always running around and cleaning. Even the days I'm "on," like when the cat ate half a spool of thread from my sewing machine and we had to rush him to the vet, and I cleaned like . . . well, like my grandmother . . . to remove any other dangers, Alex was glad when I stopped and went back to our normal routine of lazy video game playing and making our friend Tanner help with (read: do all of) our dishes on the weekend.

Anyway, I want to pass myself off as a housewife from now on (even knowing the stigma attached to it) because there's just something awful about telling someone you're a writer and always having them ask how it's going. Because what are you going to say? "I wrote half a scene this week and ended up scrapping the entire book because it wasn't working and I wanted to rip my hair out"? Yeah, that's a conversation -- for mental patients, maybe.

Maybe that's what writing is -- a profession for crazy people. Maybe all writers are just nutjobs dedicating themselves to their insanity. God knows it's what I feel like. Completely insane, and completely unable to stop.

When I Bought It

2008-01-20T08:15:00.002-06:00

It’s awful when something is heavily advertised, you buy it, and it continues to be heavily advertised.

I don’t even remember what it was. Maybe a movie. Maybe a toaster. Who cares? All I remember is that after I got it, I kept seeing ads every commercial break. And I’d tell the TV, “No, it’s okay. I have one. You can stop now.”

And they didn’t stop.

Veronica Mars

2008-01-05T23:50:00.003-06:00

I just started the teen detective series Veronica Mars this weekend and am already obsessed. In a “This is really exciting, I wish I could watch the rest in one night but dumb Chris took the DVDs home with him because we’re watching it as a group activity and he knows leaving them will keep me sleep-deprived for a week” sort of way.

Veronica solves mysteries. It’s her thing, kind of like Nancy Drew if Nancy had been kicked violently out of the popular clique right after her best friend died and her mom ran out on her. (And, of course, if Nancy Drew were a lot more sassy.) Though Veronica is a social pariah, she’s also the go-to girl for anyone with a mystery, and she solves many cases for her friends that even her dad (the private investigator) doesn’t find out about.

Though I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone under fifteen due to language, occasional seediness, and the less-than-ethical ways Veronica uses to defeat her enemies, it is a strong storyline with great acting, satisfying conclusions, and addictive mysteries.

The series was canceled after three seasons, so buying it for yourself won’t be a crazy investment, and I’ve read that a movie might be forthcoming to wrap up loose plot details. Which is exciting. ^_^

What to Say to a Writer

2007-12-20T11:24:00.012-06:00

When you want to know more about their work.

What genre do you write? Genre will tell you a lot about the writer and what he or she is interested in. Romance novelists don’t usually have the same interests and hobbies as horror writers, so this question is a goldmine of information and can lead deeper into the writer’s psyche. And everyone likes talking about their own psyche.
What is your story about? Though many writers prefer to keep their plots to themselves until published or the kinks are worked out, showing interest in the story always gratifies, especially if it’s something you might like to read.

When you’ve written something.

If you want to exchange stories and give each other feedback, I’d like that. Usually don’t offer this unless you’re actually willing to give a critique. Whether you’re the more experienced writer or they are, two writers offering help to each other can be immensely useful. If one story is longer than the other, agree to a set word count based on the shorter story so that one of you isn’t stuck with a 500 page novel and the other has a four page vignette.
What should I do with my story now? Usually people ask “How do I get published?” which is the same thing. Lots of writers feel comfortable helping out a friend who honestly doesn’t know what to do, but the answer will almost always be: “Edit, edit, edit, edit, edit, submit to publisher, submit to another publisher, edit, edit, edit, submit, submit, submit, submit, submit times infinity.” It’s a long string of 1) you making the work good enough to publish and 2) sending it out until you find someone who wants it.

When you want them to hate you.

Writing is such an easy job. So is your face.
Yeah, I read your book. I didn’t like/get it. I said something similar to this during high school when I saw the shortest guy from my old junior high, and he hadn’t gotten any taller. I told him, “Hey! Still short?” then compounded it with, “You should grow.” Because I didn’t know what else to say. I’m sure he still hates me. Like, a lot. Like, top of his “List of People I Need to Kill.”

.

.

Can you think of anything to add to these lists? ^_^